


Knot In My Heart

by AsexualDerek (Cammerel)



Series: Knot Puns [2]
Category: Supernatural, Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alpha Derek, Alpha Form, Bestiality, Bloodplay, Bruises, Cheating, Claiming, Codependency, Knotting, M/M, Marking, RP, Scent Marking, Scenting, Skull Fucking, Top!Derek, sterek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-23
Updated: 2016-01-15
Packaged: 2017-12-05 14:57:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 31,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/724596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cammerel/pseuds/AsexualDerek
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He’d regret this in the morning, he was sure, but he was desperate to feel something other than pain and loss.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Summary: This is a Sequel. 
> 
> Season: After Season 2.

Stiles wasn’t sure how many beers he’d consumed, but he was sure it was two too many and, though he could still make everything out in the bar, he wasn’t sure he was going to make it home. Driving at this point probably wasn’t safe, and his dorm room was a good ways away. He turned to the guy next to him, an attractive, rough guy with unusually soft features and a large leather jacket. They hadn’t talked too much, but he gathered that the older man wasn’t the kind to linger in a town for too long. “What’s that mean?” He asked, pointing to the sort of charm tied around the man’s neck.

The guy shook his head as he nursed on his beer, other hand moving to tuck the amulet under his shirt as he smirked dismissively at the kid, "It's nothin', just somethin' my brother got me." That was as personal as he really wanted to get with the younger man, he wasn't in the bar to tell his life story - he was there for a piece of ass. The man took in the kid's features, noting his blown pupils before leaning in and pressing his lips to the shell of the younger man's ear, "You wanna get outta here?"

Stiles blinked and nodded, face flushing - with some help from his alcohol breath, “Yeah, sure.” The older man, though he clearly wasn’t Derek, made Stiles feel like maybe he **could** be, maybe he could _feel_ like Derek did. The guy’s hands were the same sort of calloused, worn hands, and Stiles had his eyes on them most of the night. He missed Derek’s, and that way he could wrap his arms around Stiles and make him feel safe, content. He finished his beer and put down a couple of twenties as he turned on his stool, “You’re driving, right? Because, while I’d like to, I probably shouldn’t.”

"Sure thing," The man agreed and sat his empty bottle down, nodding at the bartender before wrapping his hand around the back of the kid's neck, "Come on, let's go." He walked the younger man out of the bar and to the Impala, opening the passenger side door and helping him in so he didn't hurt himself. It probably wasn't a good idea, considering how smashed the kid was, but it'd been too long since he last got off, and like Hell if he was going to turn down a willing lay. The older man walked around to the driver's side and slid, starting her up and smirking almost proudly at the purr of the engine as he peeled out of the parking spot.

“Nice car,” Stiles said, brushing his hand along the leather seat and glancing at the older man. Not Derek, but still, seriously attractive, and that stubble was likely to feel like Derek’s. Ironically, Stiles had never really paid attention to the way Derek drove, but this guy... This guy was different. He kept back the comment about the man’s age, though he was curious, he had to be up in - or some where near - his thirties. The taste in music, and the classy car, that leather jacket, all were clear signs of a maturity Stiles was yet to reach. He hated thinking it, but it reminded him of Derek. He couldn’t name off how many times he’d looked around the bar, searching for things that reminded him of his mate. He’d regret this in the morning, he was sure, but he was desperate to feel something other than pain and loss.

The man glanced at the kid just before whipping the car into the motel parking lot, smiling as he patted the dashboard adoringly, "Thanks, she's my baby." The small talk wasn't too bad, as long as it didn't become overbearing or personal and, the fact that the younger man could at **least** appreciate his pride and joy - made the prospect of bending the kid over that much sweeter. He turned the car off and climbed out before stalking around to the passenger side door, holding it open for the younger man. The guy offered a hand and all but pulled the little lush out of the seat before ushering him gently into his motel room.

Stiles was willing to admit that he didn’t mind the manhandling in the slightest, he felt his stomach bunch up when the guy did it, and he glanced around the two bed motel room before raising a brow at the man and slipping off his jacket. One nighters weren’t something he’d ever partaken in, and he was somewhat confused as to whether there was small talk, or did they just get down to business?

The man kicked his boots off and locked the door, moving to the table to throw his keys down and lay his jacket across the back of one of the chairs. He leaned up against the smooth wooden surface and palmed his erection through the denim, eyes glinting and locking on the kid's, "You uh, wanna help me out with this, or are you just gonna stand there?"

“Sure, yeah, I mean,” Stiles moved to the older man, stepping carefully out of his own shoes before he took up the other guy’s belt, fumbling with it until he managed to unclasp it and unbuttoned, unzipped his jeans before he knelt and pulled the pants down slightly. He looked up into the man’s green eyes, hand smoothing over the obvious bulge before reaching into the tight black boxer briefs and pulling out his length. Though it should’ve been obvious before, there wasn’t a knot, and it sort of threw Stiles for a moment as he blinked in confusion. “Oh,” He said, almost turned off by it.

"Oh?" The man asked, repeating the kid's choice of wording as he placed a steady hand on the back of the younger man's head, "Underwhelmed or somethin'?" He stared down at the younger man and wrapped his free hand around the base of his cock, brushing the head of his length along the kid's pouty lips.

“Not for the reason you think,” Stiles stammered, “It’s... Nice? I guess not everyone has a knot,” He pushed the man’s hand away and took the length between his lips, almost gagging at the taste but fighting to ignore it as he bobbed his head and touched the man’s soft skin along his waist. He was sort of expecting hard, chiseled muscles or something of the sort, the man definitely looked it on the outside, but Stiles found himself not really minding the fact that the guy was as soft as a marshmallow.

" **Knot**?" The man mouthed silently to himself, brows furrowed in confusion as he shook his head, dismissing it all together. He moved both of his hands to the table, gripping the edge of it as he undulated his hips, fucking his length into the kid's mouth, groaning and smirking anytime the kid would gag or his eyes watered. After a few minutes he pulled the younger man off of his cock, all but dragging him back up to his feet as he switched them around, turning the younger man around entirely and bending him over the table. The man reached around and unbuttoned the pants, unzipped them and slid them down far enough to get the job done. While the kid was bent over, he grabbed a condom from his wallet and ripped it open with his teeth before sheathing himself with the rubber, extra lubricated. _Thank fuck_. "You're not a virgin or anythin', are you?" The man licked his fingers and unceremoniously began to push one into the kid, pumping it lazily before adding a second.

“Mm? No, not by any means,” Stiles admitted as his face flushed, “Farther from it than you can imagine.” He sort of smirked to himself at that thought, of the imagery he’d tried to remind himself of in college, hanging off of Derek’s knot, swollen inside of him, spreading him out. He wasn’t use to just being pulled into position like this, it was new. He was grateful his mouth was off the guy now, though, he wasn’t sure if he could stand tasting him any longer than he had to.

"Good," The man mumbled before adding a third finger, digits insistent inside of the younger man as he stretched him out. He got the kid nice and loose before pressing the head of his cock against the heat, eager to just fucking get off already. The man slid in smoothly, thankful that the other man was entirely too drunk to even realize if it'd hurt or not. He grabbed the kid by the hips, roughly, white-knuckled and hard enough to leave marks as he started drilling into him.

“Oh my god,” Stiles gasped, closing his eyes and getting lost in the large hands on his hips, pulling him back, holding him tight. The heat of the other man, cock stuffing him full and shoving him almost painfully into the wood of the table. He arched up, spine touching Derek’s chest as he reached back to scratch behind his ear, dull nails dragging through the short hair as the werewolf fucked into him.

The man raised a curious brow and moved one of his hands to grab the younger man's, pinning it to the kid's back and pushing him down against the table once more, "Not sure what you're tryin' to do, man, but I'm not a goddamn dog." He shook his head warily and focused on fucking the kid again - long, hard thrusts, letting his head roll back as the sound of their skin slapping filled his ears.

Stiles narrowed his brows as he was brought back into the moment, and sort of rudely at that. He was suddenly grateful though, that the guy **didn’t** have a knot, he wouldn’t have to be stuck with the man for longer than he had to. Stiles felt the tears prick his eyes, but fought them back as he moved against the other man, trying his hardest to just let the thrusts take over and make him forget what he was doing, and how wrong it was.

The man knew he wasn't exactly the most intimate of men, but regardless of it being a one night stand or not, he always made sure his partners got off too. He let the boy's hand go and reached around his slim waist to tug at the kid's cock, probably more firm and rough than he was used to - but at his age he'd probably get off, anyway. The man groaned and pistoned his hips, bending his knees a little more and changing the angle as he rocked the kid with his movements.

Stiles gasped and, though he was much, much younger, and clearly less experienced, he was able to keep the rhythm between their bodies and push back into the older man’s thrusts. He tightened his muscles around the length pushing inside of him, chokes of air escaping his throat as his cheeks heated and his own orgasm hit. He gave the guy credit, those hands... _those hands were very like Derek’s._

The man held off, staunched his own orgasm until the younger man got off first and then groaned through his, hands going back to the kid's hips as his thrusts stopped completely, cock throbbing as he filled the condom. He patted the other man on the ass playfully and withdrew, removing the condom, tying it and tossing it in the trash. The man pulled his boxer-briefs up along with his pants and sauntered idly to the fridge to get himself a beer. He popped the cap and turned to look at the debauched kid, sipping from the long neck bottle, "I could uh, take you home or call you a cab, suppose whichever you'd be more comfortable with."

“No i-it’s fine,” Stiles pulled up his pants and buttoned them as he licked his lips and shook his head, “I know my way back, I’ll just... Walk.” He moved to his boots, pulling them on and grabbing his jacket from where he’d slung it. He felt worse than he had in the bar, horrible, like he was going to be physically nauseous over what he’d done, “Thanks for the uh... _That_.”

The man nodded slowly, eyes a little wide as he took another sip of his beer. He moved to the door and held it open for the younger man, "Just uh, be careful, yeah? The creeps come out at night 'round here. And uh," He shrugged and smiled, "Thanks, kid."

“Yeah, you’re... Umm, welcome?” Stiles smiled weakly, looking the man over one good time before leaving the room. It wasn’t too cold outside, but his walk back to the dorms took two hours. Between taking a seat to rest every once in a while, and thinking over everything he’d just done, he was pretty much a mess - but he got back without a single abnormal encounter.

He crawled into his bed that night, curled up in the blanket and cried himself to sleep.

* * *

The next morning he showered and tried to call Derek again, constantly for an hour, before he tried Scott’s, but no one ever picked up. He debated calling his dad, but figured it was best he didn’t, since they’d been unsteady ever since he’d moved out of state.

He spent the entire next day packing his things into his jeep and putting off college for a family emergency before he left and made a beeline for Beacon Hills. And seven hours later, he was there, pulling up to... What he guessed was once Derek’s house.

Stiles climbed out of the jeep numbly, feeling the tears fill his eyes as he looked at the broken, charred remains of the building him and Derek had spent time rebuilding when they’d first gotten together, and he felt the sharp pains twist throughout his limbs as he walked up the black front steps and pushed the remaining half of the door in.


	2. Chapter 1

The distance was excruciating for the alpha and, it was like he could actually feel the separation from his mate tearing at him, making him weaker - and it seemed like the new pack in town picked up on it and decided to make a move by setting their home aflame, drawing him out.They'd had the house surrounded so he didn't escape unscathed - ended up black and blue with gashes that took forever to heal, even for him. While recovering, he took to the woods, avoiding trying to find his pack to warn them, afraid that he'd lead the other pack to his own. If he couldn't keep himself safe, the least he could do was look after them.

Derek sat in the woods most days after he took off to the other side of Beacon Hills, afraid to actually leave his home in case his mate came back. The memory of the fire kept flashing in his mind, causing him to growl and shift unceremoniously any time he thought about the evil smirks splayed on the new pack's faces.

He'd wanted to call Stiles, to tell him what was going on, but he couldn't risk actually showing his face in town - so along with spending most of his days phasing and running through the woods, he also missed his mate with an intensity that scared the ever living Hell out of him.

As it was, Derek decided that maybe it was best to let his wolf out more - better senses - which meant he was more likely to keep himself alive until he could see Stiles again. After shifting the first time since the fire, he'd shredded his clothes, leaving him stark ass naked, something he hardly noticed because, most of the time, he was covered in fur.

The alpha tilted his head up and scented the air, sensing something familiar but was unable to put his finger on it - the scent was warm, sweet and it smelled like home. He shifted, eyes flashing red as he ran through the woods, chasing the scent, growling the closer he got.

Derek almost whimpered, stopping dead in his tracks in front of the charred remains of their home. He could feel his chest heaving with anger, growl beginning to reverberate loudly in his chest as he stalked up behind the lithe form standing on what was left of the porch, breath falling heavily on the back of the intruder's neck.

Stiles froze, eyes widening, tears on his cheeks and he turned to look at the werewolf standing behind him. His stomach nearly dropped into his feet and, though he wasn’t terrified of his mate, he felt somewhat nervous - and now horribly, horribly guilty because of what’d happened to their home as well, “Derek.” He reached up, hands shaking as he ran his fingers through the soft fur of the werewolf’s cheeks and ears. There were leaves and twigs twisted up in the mane, here and there, and Stiles leaned in, pressing soft kisses around his mouth and nose.

The alpha felt his legs almost give out when Stiles was the one who turned around to greet him, paws moving forward to draw his mate closer, claws scraping against Stiles’s clothes as he nosed at the smaller man's mouth. His mate didn't smell the same, he smelled tainted, different. Derek shifted back to his human form and stared at Stiles, brows furrowed as his eyes flashed red.

"You smell like someone else," He said, voice gravelly from having not used it in so long.

Stiles knew it was coming, there was no possible way Derek wouldn’t know, and he didn’t want to hide it from his mate anyways, he’d been stupid, he’d made a mistake. He felt new tears fall down his cheeks and he nodded, “I know... I... I’m sorry... I was a freaking moronic asshole. But you weren’t calling, no one was, and I went and got wasted and made a really bad, really desperate decision that I hated even as I was making it. There’s no excuse for it, I know. I’m sorry, Derek.”

Derek felt the lump rise in his throat and he tried to swallow, eyes watering as he looked at Stiles, shaking his head in denial, "No." The alpha's face contorted almost painfully as he removed his hands from his mate and took a step back, "You-you wouldn't- you didn't."

The larger man sniffed and sobbed openly, jaw clenching, "I can't believe that you'd do that to me, you knew- I told you that it was forever for me and you-" Derek felt his chest constrict and, for a brief second it actually felt like his heart was breaking, "I'm losing everything, our home... _You_."

“You didn’t lose me,” Stiles moved to Derek, grabbing his face, fingers scratching through his beard and trying to pull him in, “You haven’t lost me, I’m right here. I know it was a–a stupid, stupid thing and I wish I could take it back.” He’d always wanted Derek to be his first, and only, and now he’d fucked it up, “I’m sorry, please, just... Just stay with me, we’ll figure this out.”

Derek stared at his mate with an intense, watery gaze as he reached up and covered Stiles’s hand with his own, frowning as his bottom lip trembled. The alpha was feeling fifty million different things at once; hurt, anger, betrayal... even _love_. He couldn't ever stop loving Stiles, even if he wanted to - and it enraged him, almost, that his mate smelled like another man, causing his inner wolf to become territorial, making him want to re-claim what was already his.

Derek's eyes narrowed as his free hand reached out, grabbing Stiles forcefully by the hip to pull him closer. He leaned in and brushed his nose along his mate's neck, growling as he inhaled, " _You stink, you smell like him_."

Stiles swallowed and nodded, “I know, I tried to wash him out of my skin this morning.”

He winced at the hand on his waist but didn’t stop Derek, or complain about it in the slightest. It honestly felt good, it all felt good, even though he was standing in the burnt remains of their home, and had cheated on Derek. It felt good to have the alpha close, to feel his mate breathing him in, even if it was with disgust, “I’m sorry, Derek.”

" _I can't lose you_ ," Derek mumbled through clenched teeth and tightened his grip on his mate's hip even more, wanting it desperately to leave a mark, "And I- I don't know if I can forgive you right now, but I can't live without you, I'd rather be dead if I had to." He didn't have the slightest clue as to how they would move on from this, unsure if he could even give Stiles his trust again - and to make matters worse, they didn't even have a home to call their own anymore.

“I know, I’m not asking for forgiveness,” Stiles stared into Derek’s eyes and brushed their noses together, “I know what I did was wrong and stupid, but I’m not going anywhere, I’ll be here.”

He ran his fingers through his mate’s face fuzz and breathed Derek in, “What happened? Did you... did you leave the back burner on like I kept telling you not to?” He laughed weakly, feeling his tears brim again.

Derek shook his head, feeling his shoulders tense up as he remembered it all, "There's a new pack in town, they wanted to stay so they tried running me out, knew I was weak - evidently got information from someone in town, they knew you were gone and-they knew I wouldn't put up a fight, just so I could see you again. I can't even go into town, can't go to my pack because I'm afraid I'll get them killed." The alpha's body began trembling, "I don't know what to do, Stiles, they took our home from us."

Stiles frowned more, combing his fingers through his mates hair, “Well, you know what they say about losing something that’s yours first. You can always take it back.” He ran his nose along the line of Derek’s jaw and pulled him in, “I’m here now, and we’re going to fuck up their week. No one comes bursting in, puts a torch to my house and gets away with it.”

He turned his lips to Derek’s ear, “ _My alpha_ ,” He breathed, kissing through the grizzly beard, “ _No one’s taking your home_.”

The alpha nodded and almost felt empowered by his mate's words, all but leaning into the smaller man's touches and kisses, trying to drown out everything else. It **would** get better and, they'd take back their home, he'd rebuild if he had to - a testament of his love for his mate.

Derek looked down at himself and frowned, looking at the wear and tear that the weather had wreaked on his body. He moved his arms and tried to cover himself, ashamed that he'd let himself get so bad, "I-I'm filthy, sorry, didn't mean to get like this."

“Stop, don’t,” Stiles pulled Derek’s hands from himself and shook his head as he smiled, staring into his mate’s eyes, “Don’t hide yourself from me.” He kissed Derek’s chest, shoulders and neck before his chin, “I think it’s kind of hot, jungle man.”

He led Derek from the house and opened the back of his jeep, sifting through his duffle bags and pulling out a pair of clothes. He handed them over to Derek almost nervously, “I uh... I kinda took a set of your clothes with me, to college. They’ll do, until we can get you to my house and get you cleaned up, buy you some things and...” He scratched Derek’s beard, “Get this bush trimmed.”

Derek was stunned speechless and still hurting, but he took the clothes and put them on. It was like there was a war going on inside of him, his head fighting with his heart, wanting to mark his mate up with a collar of bruises - but thinking about it almost made bile rise in his throat, remembering that another man had his hands on Stiles. It was going to be a slow and steady process, but he knew that eventually he'd be able to look into his mate's eyes and not automatically see what he'd done.

Instead of kissing Stiles on the lips, he pressed a chaste kiss to his mate's cheek in the way of thanks before moving around the jeep and climbing into the passenger's seat.

Stiles swallowed and closed up the back of the jeep, driving to his house and helping Derek inside as he glanced about the roads and locked the door behind them. It probably didn’t matter, any thing he was afraid of wouldn’t really have problems with a lock, but he did it mostly out of respect for his father.

He smoothed his hand over Derek’s back as he walked them upstairs and into the bathroom, stripping the man back down once he’d closed another door behind them, “Once we get you clean, I’ll put the clothes in the wash and we can talk more,” He said, pushing the jeans down the alpha’s thighs before turning and twisting the knobs to start the water.

"Okay," Derek agreed solemnly, arms instinctively moving to cover at least his chest. The insecurity he was feeling was probably irrational, considering he was pretty sure Stiles new his body better than he did - but it'd been so long, and part of him was afraid that his mate was mentally comparing him to someone else.

Stiles turned back once more and raised his brows at Derek, “Really?” He moved in and looked into the alpha’s eyes as he pushed his arms away once more, “You could be seventy years old and wrinkled, bald, covered in shit from one end to the other and I’d still look at you like you were the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, now would you stop hiding yourself from me?”

He touched Derek’s cheek before pulling off both his own sweater and his shirt together, carefully stepping out of his shoes and toeing off his socks before stripping off his pants and boxers as he smiled sadly, “Is that better?”

Derek was about to protest, to tell Stiles to stop but then it was too late and his mate was standing before him, as naked as the alpha. He let his eyes rake the smaller man's body, taking in all the familiar freckles and moles, the soft patch of hair just beneath Stiles’s navel. Derek's eyes caught the bruise on his mate's hip and he couldn't fight the proud, almost satisfied grin that'd tugged at the corner of his mouth - something he hadn't done since his mate was last around.

"It's a start," Derek admitted weakly, eyes drifting back up to meet Stiles'.

“Good,” Stiles stepped backwards, under the spray of water, pulling Derek along with him and glancing down at the embarrassingly dark water as it washed away the dirt on Derek’s body. He smoothed his hands up and down the werewolf’s chest and arms, washing away the layers of grime, “Next time you go running through the woods, take a few trips down stream,” He said, staring into his mate’s eyes as his hands moved along the muscles, kneeling to clean Derek’s calves and thighs.

Derek stood under the water numbly and stared down at Stiles, frowning as he reached tentatively to touch his mate's hair, carding the silky strands through his fingers, "Wasn't really thinking about anything other than keeping myself alive, for you." He watched the smaller man take care of him, even though he was perfectly capable - and even though he was sure his heart had been ripped in two, seeing his mate trying to redeem himself slowly started to heal the gaping wound in his chest.

“I wish you’d told me,” Stiles said, shaking his head, “I knew something was wrong, I should’ve came down sooner. I just... School didn’t really leave much space to think or do anything. All I could do was worry. I thought... Maybe you were putting distance between us because you thought it’d be easier. You said something like that the last time we talked.”

He pulled the sponge from the rack once Derek was cleaned for the most part, put a bit of his old body wash on it and began to scrub Derek down head to foot, “I should’ve called my dad, but we had this huge fight and I’ve kind of been avoiding talking to him.” He shook his head, “Doesn’t matter, too late now to ‘should’ve’. I love you, and I’m here now, that’s all that matters.” He leaned down, eyes following his hands as he cleaned Derek’s dick and balls, hands slipping back underneath as he tried to keep his thoughts relatively innocent about it.

The werewolf turned his head to the side and tried ignoring how Stiles was touching him, fighting to keep his body from shaking, "Distance was the last thing I wanted, Stiles." He'd wanted his mate to go somewhere closer, or even stay at home. If he had to, he'd wake up at four in the morning every day just to drive Stiles out of state for class. Derek swallowed when he realized that he'd even **move** out of state... **for Stiles** \- everything he did, was for his mate in one way or another.

Derek removed his hand from Stiles’s hair and sighed sadly, "The distance is what did this to us."

Stiles turned Derek around, cleaning his backside and sliding his fingers down the crack of the alpha’s ass, trying to remain as respectful as possible, “I know what you mean, I didn’t want the distance either, but... It was inevitable. I don’t want to talk about this right now, we’ve been around and around about it before - you know where I stand, I know where you stand.”

Stiles kissed the back of Derek’s neck as he finished up by washing his mate’s hair and then turning off the water. He pulled the larger man from the tub and began to towel him down, “Things have... Obviously changed since I made that choice. And we’re going to have to get our home back, but we’ll do it. And maybe that means flunking out of college and picking up some time later, I don’t know. I missed you,” He said finally, drying Derek’s hair.

Derek swallowed, brows tight as he stepped closer to Stiles, close enough for their noses to brush together, arms moving to draw his mate in, chest to chest, "'I missed you' kind of seems like an understatement on my behalf."

He hugged his mate, squeezing him tightly as he breathed against the smaller man's neck, reveling in the feel of the familiar skin and sighing his contentment. It was settling, comforting even, to give into the urge to physically touch his mate - something he'd been trying to refrain from doing.

“If I find a stronger term, I’ll use it,” Stiles said, turning his lips into Derek’s neck and hugging him back, “But until then, ‘I missed you’ is really all I have.”

He pulled away and led Derek from the bathroom, holding the change of clothes and walking into his old room, “Just lay down, I’ll uh... Go put these in the wash.” He didn’t bother putting on clothes of his own, just his slim pair of boxers before moving downstairs and putting the clothes in the washer before coming back up and joining Derek on the bed.

He sat down, crossing his legs together and taking Derek’s hand in his, “I’d ask how things’ve been, but I guess I already know. Are you hungry at all?”

"I probably should be hungry," The alpha mumbled truthfully as he shrugged, "Don't really have much of an appetite." The lack of said appetite was caused by more than one factor, one of which he wasn't really ready to talk more about - wasn't really sure if he ever would be ready to discuss it.

Derek grimaced and clenched his eyes shut, images of the house burning starting to filter their way in. He shook his head and pulled his hand from Stiles', holding his head and tugging at his hair as he apologized through gritted teeth, "I'm sorry, Stiles, sorry I couldn't stop it. It was ours-o-our home and instead of staying to fight for it, I ran. I'm an alpha and I ran..."

Stiles fought the tears brimming in his eyes and he moved, taking Derek’s hands and pulling them away so he wouldn’t hurt himself anymore, “Shh, shh, it’s okay,” He touched Derek’s cheek, gently combing his fingers through the werewolf’s hair and kissing his forehead, “They caught you when you were vulnerable, I’m not blaming you, and you shouldn’t either.”

He pulled Derek’s chin up to look him in the eyes, “It’s not your fault, okay? It’s not. And you can’t afford to keep thinking it is. It’s **their** fault, they’re to blame, and they’ll pay for it, you have my word. But don’t blame yourself, don’t tear yourself up inside because you think you messed up, you didn’t.”

Derek coughed to try and stifle a broken sounding sob, tears streaming openly down his cheeks as he grabbed Stiles and pulled him closer just to hold him. The familiarity and the love - regardless of how tainted - was what he needed more than anything, his mate's existence was the only silver lining, only reason worth fighting. The alpha pressed his face back against Stiles’s neck - probably his favorite spot on the younger man's body - and inhaled, grimacing when he could **still** smell the man who'd slept with Stiles.

With his arms wrapped around the smaller man, he turned them both and maneuvered his mate down on the bed, staring into Stiles’s beautiful tawny eyes, the same ones he'd yearned to be able to look into for the better part of a year. Derek leaned down and rubbed his face against his mate's chest, body moving up and rubbing against Stiles territorially, trying to remove the home wrecker's scent.

He breathed against Stiles’s shoulder, his thighs rubbing against the smaller man's, "Let me mark you?"

“You don’t have to ask permission,” Stiles said at once, “You own me, I’m your’s.” He felt awful that he had to say it at all. It shouldn’t even be up for debate. It was common knowledge.

He touched Derek’s cheek, looking him in the eyes, “Even when I was with him, I was your’s, I was thinking of you. And if you want to get all defensive, I understand, I know I fucked up, but trust me, it wasn’t worth it in the slightest. You don’t have to worry about your masculinity being questioned, or the fact that you’re enough for me, or that you satisfy me. Mark me all you want - everywhere; I want you to. I feel just as disgusting as you think I am.”

Derek could feel more than hear himself growl when Stiles mentioned the other man, but he staunched the anger down and let out  a heavy breath, "I don't-Stiles, I don't think you're disgusting. I'm hurt, sure, heartbroken actually and, I don't think you understand just how badly I wanna find him and rip his throat out - but I don't, could never think you're disgusting."

The alpha kept Stiles’s body covered with his own, re-claiming his territory as he leaned down and bit into his mate's shoulder roughly, hard enough to break skin. Derek lapped at it, licking the blood away and soothing Stiles with his tongue as a sense of security - satisfaction even - coursed through him. He kissed the mark and moved his mouth to the other side of the younger man's neck, repeating the process over and over until his mate had a freshly marked collar of bruises.

“Oh my god,” Stiles breathed out, body arching against Derek as he dropped his head back, submitting himself to the werewolf and ignoring the tear as it slipped down the side of his face. He reached up, brushing his thumbs through the hair behind Derek’s ears.

It was impossible to hide how aroused he was, even if he’d had jeans on, a blanket or brick wall between them, Derek would’ve smelled it. He hated himself for what he’d done, regretted it more than anything, but he loved it when his alpha got all territorial, and if it wasn’t such a horrible thing to do to them, he’d cheat again, just to have the man marking him up like this.

“Yours,” He said as Derek bit him, pressing his nose into the wet fluff of the werewolf’s hair, “Always yours.”

" **Mine** ," Derek all but growled his agreement, kissing and licking at the marks as he inhaled the sweet scent of his mate's arousal. Marking was intimate and, despite how much he didn't want to get hard himself - it was inevitable, thankfully he didn't _have_ to act on it, wasn't sure he could. The alpha continued to rub himself against Stiles, almost trying to will his scent to saturate into his mate's skin.

He pressed his lips to the shell of the smaller man's ear and wrapped his hand around his mate's neck lightly, "Don't you **ever** let anyone touch you like that again, you understand me?"

“I won’t, I promise,” Stiles said, feeling the alpha’s command rock through his body. Though he wasn’t a werewolf, being Derek’s mate had similar effects on him. It probably shouldn’t have excited him, to have Derek demanding something like monogamy, but it did.

“I’m yours,” He repeated again, running his hands over the cuts and then scratching through Derek’s beard once more, he was sure his dad had a good pair of scissors, a razor to trim it down to a reasonably lengthy stubble.

"I **know** you won't," Derek mumbled and pulled back enough to look Stiles in the eyes so the younger man would see how sincere he was, fingers twisting through the younger man's hair to keep his head still as he spoke, "Just don't make me look like a fool for trusting you, okay?"

Stiles swallowed and nodded, tears blurring his vision again and this time he couldn’t actually stop them from rocking his entire body, “I won’t, I... I’m sorry, Derek,” He pressed their foreheads together as he started crying, sobs choking him up as he fought ducking his head and turning away to hide his face, which was probably beet red by now. He didn’t deserve to hide how embarrassed and humiliated he was, both were caused by himself.

He felt worse because, not only had he hurt himself, and their relationship, and Derek, but he’d made a fool already of the person he loved more than anyone or anything ever. He didn’t want forgiveness, he wanted to leave, wanted to be shamed or ridiculed, or screamed at - it made him feel worse that Derek wasn’t doing any of that. He would’ve made distance if he didn’t know how much worse it would be, how he was probably the only thing left in Derek’s life worth fighting for, and he’d fucked up so horribly.

“I’m sorry,” He said for the hundredth time, sobs so tight he could barely breathe.

The alpha watched his mate and could feel his own chest twist with the other man's grief, his regret, and the protective streak in him told him that he needed to soothe, to make his mate feel better. Derek touched Stiles’s cheek and leaned in, tentatively, and hushed the smaller man by pressing their lips together - an act that unleashed a flood of emotions he'd been trying to suppress.

"I know," Derek whispered against Stiles’s mouth, nosing at his mate's bottom lip before kissing him again, "I know you are, just-please," He wiped the smaller man's tears away with his thumb, "Don't cry, okay? I hate seeing you cry."

Derek’s words, though obviously trying to relieve him, only made Stiles cry harder and he pressed his lips to the alpha’s desperately, kissing him hard, letting Derek steal what little breath Stiles had to offer. He kissed until he had nothing left, until he was red from forehead to neck, and his breaths came out sharp and painful. He turned away finally, panting and sobbing as he looked at the window and felt the pool of tears that’d been filling his eyes, sliding down his cheeks.

Stiles didn’t even deserve to cry, that’s how bad he felt, “I know I’ve done some seriously stupid things in my life,” He breathed out, voice shaky, “But this... This defies the laws of stupidity. I’m never going to forgive myself.”

He turned them over, looking down at Derek and kissing between his pecks, “I respect you,” He stated, as calm as possible, “And most of me wants to kill myself for doing this to you, I don’t want you to look at me, I don’t want to breathe. I’d leave in a heart beat, if I knew it would do any better.”

He pulled away and set a bit of distance from them, “But it’s your choice what I do, and I’m not going anywhere or doing anything stupid until I’ve given you back the respect you feel you’ve lost.”

"I don't want you to go anywhere," Derek reached out and pulled Stiles back to him, looking him in the eyes, "But I need you to be here of your own accord, not just because I want you to be. I don't ever wanna have to live without you."

He pressed his knuckle to the underneath of Stiles’s chin, keeping the smaller man from putting his head down, "And don't you ever, I mean **ever** harm yourself in _any_ way. You think this is bad on the both of us? Try imagining how bad it'd be for me if you were gone forever, I wouldn't even have a will to live anymore, Stiles. So don't you dare do that to me."

The alpha let out a shaky breath and shook his head, leaning in to kiss his mate tenderly, "I don't know what we're gonna do, I can't even tell you where we'll live - but I need you and I want you to need me too."

“I **do** need you, that’s not even a question,” Stiles said, smiling weakly, “And I’m here because there’s no where else I can possibly bare to be right now.”

He kissed Derek’s fingers, taking the larger man’s hand within both of his own as he looked into his mate’s eyes, “We don’t need four walls and a lot of wood and plaster to have a home, we just need each other.” He leaned down and kissed Derek, slow and careful, tentative as his heart raced.

“You’re going to kill them,” Stiles whispered, brushing their noses together, “You’re going to kill all of them for what they did - they’ll regret coming to Beacon Hills.”

Derek felt his heart swell at the faith his mate had in him, smiling as he leaned up to kiss Stiles again, something he was progressively needing more of - just contact with the younger man in general, "I can't do it alone, I'm gonna need you to do something for me." And though it wasn't necessarily the best idea, because it put Stiles at a slight risk - it was all he could think of and, the other pack didn't have the slightest clue as to who his mate was, so that was definitely a plus.

“I’m here, I’ll be here all the way, you just ask me, and I’ll do anything you want me to,” Stiles said at once, curling up against Derek and staring into his eyes. He meant it, he’d lay himself bare naked and slice open gashes on his skin to lure the other pack in, if he had to, “ _Anything_.”

"I need you to find my pack, fill them in. The other pack doesn't know who you are, so you should be safe, just be discreet about it," Derek touched Stiles’s face and kissed the tip of the younger man's nose, "I don't know if they know what's going on, but I know they didn't come looking for me and that-that has me a little worried. I can't do this without them, I need them behind me too. And if things get bad, I need you to promise me that you'll leave town, get away before they find you."

Stiles nodded slowly, “I’ll find them, I think it’s safe to say that you’re okay here, so I want you to stay here while I do, and I’ll figure out some way to get them here discreetly, and then we’ll work out something from there,” He ran his nails through Derek’s hair. “And I’ll leave if things get bad, but only if you promise me that you’ll be right behind me.”

"You know I can't do that, even if I wanted to," The alpha sighed defeatedly and frowned, "I love you," He actually said it aloud instead of just thinking it, "And you'll always be number one to me, but I've got a duty to them too and, I can't just leave them behind - I have to protect them, been trying to, that's why I didn't go looking for them myself. I need you to be safe, Stiles, with or without me."

“No, that’s not an option,” Stiles argued, narrowing his brows, “That’s literally the one thing you can’t ask of me. **I’m** in your pack, I can’t leave without you. College is one thing, and it’s already asking too much of me, but I couldn’t actually leave you. You may think it’s just forever for you, but it is for me as well. And I refuse to leave, until either I’m dead, or we’ve reclaimed what’s ours.”

Derek was going to argue back, to just say that he wasn't going to do it then, not if it risked his mate - but seeing the fire in the younger man's eyes, the passion behind them, had him biting his tongue. He'd keep Stiles safe, and that was all there was to it. If anyone wanted to get to his mate, they'd have to go through him first.

The alpha smiled just faintly, arms wrapping snugly around the smaller man's slender waist, "Almost forgot just how stubborn you are."

Stiles leaned in and licked at Derek’s lips, smiling as he pressed his forehead to the other man’s, “Let’s go whack off this beard, and then I’ll go out shopping for you some clothes, so you don’t have to keep wearing the ones I snagged - give you back some of your alpha pride. It’s materialistic, but new jeans always make me feel empowered, they’d probably help more than hurt.”

Derek nodded and nipped at Stiles’s bottom lip, hand brushing over the marks he'd put on his mate's neck and shoulders, "Sounds good." He leaned up, muscles bulging as he lifted the smaller man off of him, pushing both of them up to their feet.

“I missed this so much,” Stiles said, smiling wide and touching the marks, “Missed you marking me up and worrying about how I was going to hide them the next day, so the kids at school wouldn’t ask weird questions or pull me into the councillor’s office to ask me if my dad was beating me. I miss pressing them, when I jack off, or just staring at them in the mirror for hours, memorizing the little red spots as opposed to the purple.”

He wrapped his arms around Derek’s neck, “Your strong arms around me, your breath, scenting me, biting me, and don’t even get me started on your knot.” Yes, he was seriously horny, no, he didn’t expect sex any time soon, but he wanted to make Derek feel loved, appreciated, adored, **missed**.

"Stiles," Derek breathed out and wrapped his arms around his mate, body reacting to everything the younger man was saying.

It was overwhelming, trying to fight the urge to just lay the younger man back down and knot him for hours, days even - but not only was he not ready, but he was also afraid of seriously hurting his mate, considering he hadn't so much as laid a hand on himself since Stiles left for college.

The alpha pressed his lips to the warmth of one of the marks he left just beneath Stiles’s jaw, "Thank you."

Stiles wriggled down once they were in the bathroom and fished around the cabinet for a pair of scissors. He glanced at Derek as he cut, filling the bag in the trash can and smirking as he did so, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so fuzzy before.” He shrugged, “It doesn’t look half bad, but I’d be lying if I said I preferred it over your stubble.”

He paused then and raised a brow, “Wait, when was the last time you ate, and _what_ did you eat?”

Derek's eyes widened just a little and he began shaking his head, "Probably three or four days ago, and just... trust me when I say you don't wanna know." He grimaced and watched his mate, waiting for the repulsion to creep it's way into Stiles’s features.

“Was it like a deer or something?” Stiles asked curiously, shrugging. He pressed a kiss to Derek’s lips, “It doesn’t really matter, but I’m guessing it was raw. I can’t see Tarzan Derek stopping to season and bake it in the midst of all of his jungle frolicking.” He laughed and continued snipping.

The werewolf quirked an amused brow and touched his mate's hip idly, just wanting to feel his skin, "If I'm Tarzan does that mean you're my Jane? You wanna swing from tree to tree with me, wearing nothing but a couple pieces of cloth?" Derek smiled, beginning to feel more like himself, the way he was when it was just him and Stiles, before the cheating and before their house burnt down.

“Only if you were on the vine beside me,” Stiles said, putting the scissors down, grabbing the razor, and turning it on, “Once we get you some clothes, I’ll pick up some groceries and bake you something nice. I’m not much for chef work, but I picked up a few really good recipes that I think will satisfy your wolfy tastebuds.” He was glad Derek was settling back into some sense of normalcy, comforted that he hadn’t ruined everything completely.

"Stiles," Derek said pointedly, reaching up to grab his mate's hand before he started, "You don't have to do this, any of it, you don't have to go out of your way to prove anything to me. I'm instilling my faith in you willingly, trusting you not to do it again."

Though the pampering was nice, he didn't want it to be spurred on by his mate's guilt, "Look at me," He placed his other hand on the back of the smaller man's neck, "I can take care of myself, you just being here with me is more than enough, I don't expect any more than that from you."

Stiles nodded and smiled, “Oh my god, Derek, I know. I know that’s what you’re doing, and it pisses me off - I don’t deserve your faith in me. I’m the one that fucked up, okay, and I know I don’t have to take care of you, that you’re able to do it on your own. But you just spent... I don’t know how long, out in the forest watching over our charred up house. I want to take care of you, I want to, okay? So let me do it, alright? I’m your mate, and I want to do anything in my power to make you feel... Not so shitty, right now.”

"Just for today," Derek said and moved Stiles’s hand with the razor in it to his face, "That's it, though."

The alpha brushed the corner of his mate's mouth with his thumb and relaxed to let the smaller man shave him. There were other things he wanted to talk about, but he knew if he brought them up it would start an argument between the two of them - and that was the last thing he wanted, definitely the last thing they needed right now.

“You’re not nearly as stubborn as I am, I hope you know that,” Stiles said challengingly, “But if your pride’ll be damaged because your mate wants to cook for you, that’s your choice to miss out,” He turned Derek’s face as he shaved him down, “If it were any other day, I’d want to be doing this anyways - I love taking care of you. I’ve missed it.”

He pulled the razor away when he was done, cleaning up the mess and throwing everything away as he looked down along Derek’s body, “You wouldn’t even know that you’d spent months out in the open.”

Derek moved to look in the mirror and nodded appreciatively, touching the scruff before reaching out to pull Stiles in front of him. He stood there and took in their reflection, chin resting on his mate's shoulder, "And it's all thanks to you."

The alpha nosed just beneath the smaller man's ear, fingertips of his right hand pressing into Stiles’s bruised hip, other hand moving along his mate's marked up shoulder as his eyes glanced up to meet Stiles’s in the mirror, "Forgot how beautiful you are when you wear my mark like this."

Stiles reached up to touch them as well, “I’d have you put them in permanently, if you could - all over my body. Sink your teeth in down to the bone if it wouldn’t kill me. That’s where I want you.”

He turned to nose Derek’s cheek as he breathed, “So deep inside me that I can’t get you out, that they couldn’t remove you without damaging something of mine.” He ran his nails through the scruff on the opposite side, “That’s what I want, more than anything.”

Derek ran his palms down Stiles’s back, down over the swell of his mate's ass and picked him up, sitting him on the bathroom counter and pressing himself between the smaller man's thighs. He rested his hands on Stiles’s hips and stared into his eyes, mouths ghosting as he tugged on his mate's hips, pulling him closer to the edge of the counter.

"Wish I could," The alpha murmured heatedly, "But that takes all the fun out of actually doing it and sinking my teeth into you."

“Mm, good point,” Stiles ran his hands through Derek’s hair, thumbs brushing behind his ears and scratching out along his skull, “But if you were stuck in me, you could just clench yer jaws every now and then, to remind me that your teeth can still sink deeper,” He kissed the corner of Derek’s mouth, “Oh my god, I missed you,” He said again, rubbing their noses together, “I’m gonna have to go at some point, to get you clothes, but I don’t wanna leave your side for a second.”

"I don't want you to either," Derek admitted, peppering kisses all over Stiles’s face, even on the mole above his mate's mouth that he'd adored so many times before, "Could just streak around naked, but I'm pretty sure I'd give your dad a heart attack. Either that or he'd probably shoot me." He chuckled halfheartedly and pulled Stiles back down from the counter, trying his hardest to reign back his libido - the hurt was still too fresh. Even though his body wanted it, his heart wasn't ready.

Stiles kissed Derek’s shoulder, “I’ll go ahead and swap around the laundry, should be done now, and then I’ll go out and shop. It’s probably best we get it done and out of the way now. I shouldn’t be but an hour or so, and you can go bundle up in my bed, under my covers like a good little sourwolf. I’ll be back before you know it.” He turned to his clothes, pulling them on and smiling at Derek as he stepped into his shoes.

Derek moved to Stiles and pressed a kiss to his mate's neck and the one on his lips, "Good to know you still like your dog jokes."

He smiled and pulled back, brows furrowing just slightly, "I know you won't be gone long just-just be careful and watch your back." Derek touched Stiles’s chin before exiting the bathroom and sauntering back to the smaller man's old bedroom, all but throwing himself in the bed before tugging the covers almost clear up to his neck.


	3. Chapter 2

Stiles walked downstairs and swapped around the laundry, rolling his eyes at his dad’s back up collection of dirty clothes, so he threw some in the washer and turned it on, noting that they were also almost out of soap, “I leave you alone for two seconds and you can’t even keep up with the laundry.” He chuckled, “I bet there’s nothing in the fridge as well.”

He walked out of the house, locking the door and climbing into his jeep. Shopping for clothes was easier than he’d expected. He’d been out before with Derek, and picked things for him, and he knew the older man’s personal favorites - he was almost grateful that everything good just happened to be on sale. The groceries were somewhat similar, and he made sure to buy plenty of meat to stock their fridge.

He managed to get everything done within an hour and a half, but as he was walking out with his groceries, he was bumped into by a taller woman who looked down at him and then growled. He kept his heart rate calm and, as he was loading things into the jeep, saw her eyes on him. He climbed inside, patiently peeling out of the parking lot and making his way back to the house.

Stiles climbed out of the jeep once more, loading up his arms and managing to get everything inside within two trips. He set the second set down on the counter and locked the door finally, leaning back against it as he let out a shaky breath.

Derek had managed to doze off quickly, tucked within the warm confines of a real bed for the first time in a long time - but as soon as he heard the quickened beat of his mate's heart, his eyes were open and he was out of the bed.

"Stiles?" The alpha asked sleepily, tone still worried as he hurried down the steps to find the younger man leaning against the front door, "Are you okay?" Derek moved to him and touched his cheek, checking him over to make sure he wasn't hurt.

“Not really, but,” Stiles held up his jacket sleeve, “Get a big whiff of that bitch, I’m pretty sure she’s part of that pack.” He was positive of it, at least now they had a scent to go off of, and he could give it to the rest of the pack once he got around them.

His heart was still racing and he touched Derek’s shoulder carefully, “I think she smelled you on me. I’m not sure she knew your scent, but she definitely knew it was a werewolf she didn’t like.”

Derek pressed his nose to the fabric and inhaled, eyes flashing red as he started growling, "Please tell me they didn't follow you back here."

He all but shoved the jacket off of his mate's shoulders and moved to drape it over one of the chairs in the kitchen, "She didn't say anything to you or touch you in any way, did she?"

“No, I watched my back on the way out, and made a lot of abnormal turns on roads and stuff, just to be sure,” Stiles reassured Derek, “All she did was bump into me, and then growl at me, but nothing else.”

He moved to Derek, wrapping his arms around the alpha’s naked waist, “If she did, I would’ve put a bullet through her skull without a second thought, I had **this** on me,” He reached back and pulled a gun from his waistline, “Allison gave me it before I left, just in case there were werewolf problems in college, it’s got those wolfsbane bullets in it.”

Derek's eyes widened as a slow, proud grin pulled up the corners of his mouth, "Well look at you, what do you even need me for?"

He looked around idly and shrugged, "Clothes? I'd rather not be naked by the time your dad manages to come home. He was never really that fond of me in the first place, he'd be less inclined to like me if he found me naked and all over his son."

Stiles pulled around the bag from the clothing store and fished through it, “Your knot,” He said, pulling out a pair of pants, a long-sleeved shirt and a pair of tight boxer briefs before handing them over, “I don’t have one of those. I also got you some shoes and socks, and a jacket, a really **nice** one,” He pulled the leather jacket from the bag, “It doesn’t smell like your last one, but that’s only a matter of time.”

"My knot, huh? That's all you need me for?" Derek took the clothes and began putting them on, looking down his body after he was done, flattening his palms down the shirt - everything fit perfectly and the alpha was stunned that his mate remembered what size he wore.

He smiled fondly as he took the jacket from Stiles’s hands and leaned in to kiss him, "Thank you, I love it."

“Yeah, just your knot,” Stiles said, pressing his body against Derek’s and nosing his cheek, “You look good enough to eat.”

He pulled back and yanked a seat from the counter before moving to the groceries, “Speaking of eating, I picked up so many groceries that I think I spent more money on them than on your clothes, which is saying something.” He turned to the stove and flipped the oven on, cutting the meat from the packaging and seasoning it as he spoke.

Derek stalked up behind Stiles and wrapped his arms around him, resting his chin on his mate's shoulder as he sniffed, "Probably sounds absolutely horrible but I could totally just eat that raw right about now, gross huh?"

He kissed the smaller man's neck and nipped at his earlobe, pressing his chest firmly to Stiles’s back, "Missed your cooking, you'd kill me if you saw the way I ate after you left."

“Not gross, no,” Stiles shrugged and chuckled, “Gross is eating chocolate for dinner, uncooked meat isn’t **really** that weird,” He turned to Derek and kissed his nose, “In some places it’s considered a delicacy. In some places they eat spiders and slugs and frog legs, so no, raw meat isn’t that gross.” He loved feeling Derek against him, the strong arms around his body - no matter what that other guy had been like, it didn’t even hold a candle to his alpha.

The larger man wiggled his nose and then pressed his lips to Stiles, moving forward and pinning his mate to the counter, "I know you keep saying it but, I feel like I haven't said it enough. I missed you, missed touching you, hearing your voice, that big goofy smile of yours when you look at me right after you wake up - pretty sure I even missed your morning breath."

Derek chuckled and brushed Stiles’s jaw with his knuckles before backing off to let his mate cook, "Just really missed you, slept like shit without you."

“My morning breath?” Stiles laughed and shook his head, “It wasn’t really, really bad until you stopped texting me.”

He swallowed and kept his head down as he cut up the meat, “After that happened I started reading through all of them, I memorized pretty much everything you said, listened to your messages. I’m pretty sure I went most of the time without sleep at all, hallucinating until my body shut me down and forced me to sleep. Buried myself in school work, but uh... I guess the silver lining is that I’m head of the class, and my teachers are uncomfortable around me.”

Derek moved back and sat down at the table, staring sadly at his mate's back as the question fell out of his mouth, "When are you going back?" He'd wanted to know, but at the same time he really didn't - wasn't looking forward to losing Stiles all over again, having to adapt without him.

Stiles bit along the inside of his lip, “They’re only giving me a week to deal with the ‘family dilemma’ I convinced them of. But uh... I’m... I’m not sure.”

He finished cutting the meat and putting it in the casserole dish he’d bought, since he knew his dad likely didn’t have one. He washed his hands and turned to Derek, reaching out and taking hold of the man’s belt loops, “We have to set things right in Beacon Hills before I go anywhere or do anything. If they take me back after that, if it lasts longer than a week, I don’t know. College kind of feels like a moot point now.”

Derek kept his eyes down, almost afraid to look at Stiles because he knew his mate would be able to see exactly what he wanted - and he couldn't be selfish with Stiles, even if he wanted to be.

"Well, they'd be stupid not to take you back," The alpha ran his palm against his scruff, nervously, voice taut, "And it's not moot, you know it's not, you're letting your emotions blind you to the bigger picture, Stiles."

The werewolf risked a glance up, eyes watering slightly, "I'm gonna miss you," He chuckled dryly and wiped his eyes, " **Again**."

“I don’t know what else to do,” Stiles sighed and put the meat in the oven, leaning against it once he shut the door, “Last time it was like I was ripping my heart out, leaving you, leaving our home. I can’t just leave you here again after what’s happened.” He looked down as he considered everything, “I don’t think I can do it a second time.”

"But you have to, you know you do," Derek hung his head and tried to let his mind speak, instead of his heart, "College is what you wanted and you're doing great, it'll open up so many doors for you - you can't just give that up."

The alpha stood up and moved around the kitchen idly, stuffing his hands in his pockets, "I mean, this is probably gonna sound kind of shitty but uh, part of me wishes I wouldn't have ran into you. It'd just make it a little easier, you know, not having known you were home or that you were leaving again."

Stiles nodded slowly as his tears welled in his eyes and he turned, setting the timer and moving to put away the groceries. He packed most of the meat in the freezer, leaving a few in the fridge part to cook the next day or two, and started to prepare the second part of the dish, shredding the cheese in silence and pressing his lips together to stave off saying anything he’d regret. The thought of leaving again hurt his chest, and the fact that Derek regretted seeing him made things even worse.

Derek moved to the doorway and propped himself up against it, brows furrowing when he smelled his mate's sadness, "I-I didn't mean it the way you're thinking I did. I don't regret seeing you, but you can't deny that it wouldn't have been easier that way. Having you back, being able to touch and smell you, talk to you - it's all just gonna make it that much worse when you leave. Like last time, it's like pulling a scab off, forcing myself to adjust to a life without you and, after a while... I start forgetting what your skin feels like, your scent becomes distant. Everything in me aches without you, Stiles, you're my mate so I know you feel it to."

“Yeah well, maybe I don’t see it the way you do,” Stiles murmured, a tear slipping down his cheek as he cut open the bag of potatoes and started peeling a few, “Grateful to have you back, even if it’s just for two seconds. Even if half of it is spent feeling guilty because I made a stupid mistake, and the other half is spent grieving over our house and the fact that some other pack is moving in on my mate’s territory. I’m still glad to just have a minute to stop and breathe you in, feel your hands and teeth on me again, I’d rather have that than nothing at all.”

"You're right," Derek moved back to the table and willed himself to sit down, "I'm not acting grateful and I'm sorry, I'm just... trying to prepare myself. This isn't us, you know it's not - we don't argue like this. I'm sorry, Stiles."

The alpha rested his elbow on the table and pinched the bridge of his nose, wishing more than anything that things could just go back to the way they use to be, "I'll give you my all for however long you're home, I promise."

Stiles shook his head, “I wish I could just run out that door and leave you to your... Whatever this is, but there’s at least fifty reasons I can’t, the top one being something along the lines of the fact that I’m **mated** to you. Preparing yourself by wishing you hadn’t even seen me and trying to convince me that it would’ve been better for the both of us if I just... Thought you were dead or whatever, that’s not how I work. If you think that would’ve been better, I would’ve just curled up in the charred remains of your bedroom until I died of thirst - like I was planning to before you showed up. You think that would’ve been better?”

Derek stood then and moved to Stiles, turning the smaller boy to look him in the eyes, "Stop it, just stop. We may not agree, but we don't have to argue, Stiles. I don't wanna argue with you, we don't have the time for it." He frowned and clenched his jaw, "And if you really wanna go, then go, don't let the fact that you're mated to me tie you down." _It hasn't stopped you from leaving before._

“Oh my god, Derek, are you only listening to me in parts? Mated is **one** reason out of fifty, you’ve got forty-nine to go before I’m even slightly convinced I should leave,” Stiles continued to argue, “If you can’t do it, I can’t do it. I’m not leaving again, I’ll quit college, I’ll get some shitty part time job or something. I’m sure my college can find another equally sharp student that probably pays thirty times more attention in class than I do.”

"I am **not** arguing with you," Derek shrugged and leaned in to place an almost bruising kiss against Stiles’s mouth, holding him close so he couldn't move away, "You're not quitting college, not giving up a bright future to stay behind for me - I won't let you. If I have to, I'll let you go again. I'm trying not to be bitter about it, okay?"

Stiles stared Derek in the eyes and shook his head, “No. I’m sorry, but no. You don’t have to let me go again because I’m not going. I’ll change colleges - I’ll move closer. You think you can let me go?” Stiles looked down between them, “I can’t-I can’t let **you** stay. I told you, I can’t do it again, it’s not as easy for me as it is for you, apparently. I’ll go back and get my stuff, but I’m not _going back_.”

"Are you kidding me?" Derek asked incredulously, "You think it's easy for me? Well, it's not, Stiles, at all - being separated from you is worse than death, I'm sure."

He looked his mate all over, hands moving to touch the smaller man's face, cupping Stiles’s cheeks within his palms, "If you wanna change colleges I can support that, so you can be closer and just commute - but I won't let you quit all together."

“Alright, then that’s what we’ll do,” Stiles nosed Derek’s mouth before kissing him, wrapping his arms around the alpha’s neck and settling his body against Derek’s as he opened his mouth and swiped his tongue out along the larger man’s lips.

He pulled back and turned to the potatoes, finishing slicing them up and starting in on the carrots, “I’ve already looked into it a bit. The best is about an hour and a half away.”

"Yeah?" Derek asked somewhat hopefully, pressing himself against Stiles’s back once again, hands trailing up underneath the front of his mate's shirt, "It'll be hell on gas, but it'll be worth it."

He kissed the smaller man's neck and grazed his teeth over the already tender marks, nails scraping against his mate's nipples, "I love you."

“I love you,” Stiles said back, smiling and feeling his heart rate pick up as Derek touched him, chuckling because he knew the werewolf noticed as well. He finished the carrots and pulled the cans of mushrooms over, popping them open and sifting around the bags, “I saved up a lot working the job I had before, shouldn’t be too bad off in the beginning, and I’ve got a few things in work that uh... Might help the bank. Once things get rolling, we can start rebuilding the house again.”

"That's sweet, but after we get everything taken care of, I should be able to go into town," Derek dipped just the tip of his fingers down into Stiles’s pants, "It's not like they could burn down my bank account, money isn't a problem - I just haven't been able to get to it."

He switched sides and licked a thick stripe up the side of his mate's neck, humming around the taste, " _Hurry up_."

Stiles rolled his eyes, “Okay, not every one rolls around in bags of money,” He said, turning a pointed look at Derek before he moved to the oven and pulled the cooked meat out, setting the vegetables, and mushrooms, and cheese mixed together in the dish before putting it back in the oven, “You know, I called you at **least** forty times every day, right? I mean, you probably don’t realize how hard it is to try and stand up in front of a class to demonstrate a day old project that you had two months to prepare, and didn’t, and try and keep normal when the man you love more than anything won’t pick up his phone - and you don’t know why.”

"And **you** know, that if I could've answered and if I could've called you, that I would've, right? They were on me, Stiles, I couldn't risk it," Derek furrowed his brows, noting that Stiles had changed a little; he spoke his mind more and didn't let arguments drop so easily, didn't even really seem to bat a lash when the alpha tried seducing him, "I'm sure you don't realize how hard it is to stay in the woods all day every day, afraid that you're not gonna be able to see your mate again - It's been hard on us both, it's not a contest for who's been worse off."

“I never said it was,” Stiles shrugged, “I just wanted to get that out in the open.”

He turned to the werewolf bodily, looking him up and down, “Honestly, I don’t doubt for a second that it was worse for you. I’ve never had my mom die twice. As if losing your house the first time wasn’t bad enough,” He huffed and looked away, “And it’s so easy for them to just light up a house, without a second thought of what’s happening to the people involved. We’ll see how easy it is, when it costs them their lives.”

Stiles swallowed at a thought and turned to stare Derek in the eyes, “Where were you? This time, when the house went up? Where were you at?”

"I was uh," Derek shook his head and looked down, "I was home, almost didn't make it out. They had the house surrounded, waiting for me - they got me pretty good, my body wasn't healing right and I thought for sure, for about an entire week that I was gonna die."

Stiles swallowed sickly and kissed Derek’s forehead, “I’m glad you ran,” He said, combing his fingers through his mate’s hair, “Losing the house is one thing, losing you is something else entirely. But I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have had to go through that again, or at all, ever, no one should. And the fact that it’s happened to you twice makes me want to rip them into pieces, as human and incapable as I am to do so. You will, though, you’ll get them back.”

Derek nodded to acknowledge what his mate was saying, but nosed at Stiles’s lips and changed the subject, "How long until the food's done? Already smells good." He ran his palms along the length of the smaller man's sides, then up and underneath the shirt to feel the warm skin, blunt nails scraping down over Stiles’s ribs.

“About twenty minutes,” Stiles said, checking his watch. He’d been trying to ignore how touchy Derek was becoming, but it was getting harder to resist. He swayed his hips, slow and lazy as his fingers moved behind the werewolf’s ears, scratching and rubbing lazy circles into Derek’s scalp as he let out a shaky, excited breath.

"Mm," Derek growled almost happily and leaned into the touch, eyes flashing bright red as he smirked at Stiles, "Missed this." He moved closer to his mate, wolf keening as he pressed his face to the bruises splayed beautifully on the smaller man's neck, hands gliding down Stiles’s back and landing firmly on his ass.

Stiles lifted his chin, arching his neck as he moaned, “Derek,” and felt his cock throb in interest. He was still on that fence of not wanting to have this, because he was nowhere near worthy of it, but it felt so good to just have Derek close, eager for him - to know that the alpha was still interested in him. The hands on his ass were more than appreciated, warm skin pressed against his jeans and he leaned in, nosing through Derek’s hair and breathing him in.

Derek grinned as he scented his mate's neck, smelling the sweet scent of his arousal. He didn't want to fight the urge to knot Stiles, intentionally waiting just because he thought it'd be better for both of them was just beginning to make less and less sense - especially when Stiles was **his mate**.

The alpha moved his right hand up a little and pushed it down into the back of the younger man's jeans, middle digit sliding down the crease of Stiles’s ass, fingertip massaging the warm, puckered entrance. Derek used his other hand to grab his mate's, forcing him to touch where his knot was beginning to swell as he stared him in the eyes, "That's for you, after we eat and as soon as we have enough time alone."

“Oh my god,” Stiles groaned, fingers pressing around the knot and rubbing at it’s lower base the best he could, “Oh my god, I wanna be hanging off the end of that,” He leaned into his mate, gasping at the finger brushing him, “Derek.”

He felt weak in the knees just thinking about it, thinking of the alpha’s knot swelling up inside of him. Stiles’s mouth watered as he remembered it, the sweet taste of Derek’s come, “Oh, fuck, but could I... Please? Just a _taste_?”

"You can wait," Derek murmured against Stiles’s lips, sucking the bottom one into his mouth before pulling away and pulling his other hand out of his mate's pants.

He brought his middle finger up to his mouth to suck the musky flavor off, eyes intent on the younger man's, "I'll knot you up real good, I promise just-wait for me, okay, baby? I don't wanna have to rush it, wanna be able to hold you for hours."

Stiles watched Derek, heart racing as he grabbed the alpha’s hips, “No, I know, I can wait for that, what I’m asking for is...” He nipped Derek’s jaw and looked into his eyes still, “I wanna suck on your knot, taste your come on my tongue,” He raised his brows hopefully, “Please?”

"I know what you were asking for," Derek smiled and looked out the kitchen window, making sure the sheriff hadn't pulled in, "The food won't take long, Stiles, I promise my knot isn't going anywhere - I'll still be hard by the time we're done eating." He grabbed a handful of his mate's hair and jerked his head back, exposing the younger man's neck so he could wrap his mouth around the protruding Adam's apple, "You asked so nicely, though. I'm a little conflicted."

Stiles gasped, fingers pressing into the alpha’s waist and he closed his eyes, “Dude, I’m well aware it isn’t going to pack it’s bags and depart from your dick,” He swallowed, trying to keep his voice normal, “We’ve got like ten minutes, you should let me blow you for _ten minutes_ , I’m just saying.”

"Stiles," Derek sighed and let go of his mate's hair, looking him almost nervously in the eyes, "I haven't uh-haven't exactly gotten off since our last time together, so... I'm not sure if the kitchen would be the best place for this - It probably won't take long but I'm afraid I may end up getting a little... _Aggressive_ , for lack of a better word."

“ **Be** aggressive,” Stiles said at once, feeling his cock throb eagerly at the thought. That was something he was actually counting on, the idea of Derek just bending him over and fucking each opening raw, until Stiles couldn’t handle any more of him. The forceful, territorial, almost violent side of Derek was something that had him salivating even more, “Oh my god, **please** be aggressive, fuck my face, knot my mouth, I don’t care - I just want your dick on my tongue in some way.”

Derek groaned, unable to really oppose any longer as he unbuttoned his new jeans, pushing them down enough for Stiles to get to his cock easily. Even when they'd been together before, he couldn't remember his mate ever begging like this - and it was almost as intoxicating as actually knotting Stiles.

The alpha rested his palm on the back of Stiles’s head and gestured to his dick as he all but pushed the smaller man to his knees, "Can't say I didn't warn you."

Stiles tried to fight back the whimper that escaped his lips as he stared at Derek’s dick, but it came out anyways. He got down on his knees, mouthing the head of the alpha’s cock, lapping up the sweet stick of precome already smeared over it before he moved down to the knot. He nipped around it, sucking and rubbing with his fingers the way he knew Derek preferred. Stiles pulled back up and took the swollen length between his lips again, keeping his hands only on the werewolf’s knot as he bobbed his head.

Derek's fingers threaded through Stiles’s hair and tugged, hissing through clenched teeth at how sensitive it was and how fucking good it felt to finally have his mate's mouth back on his length, " **Stiles**."

He bucked suddenly, growling low in his chest as he let his head hang back, mouth hanging open in awe. It had definitely been entirely too long and, he knew that he should've taken care of himself more often - but he had a feeling the orgasm would be more than worth it. He only pitied Stiles a little bit, though, knowing that the younger man would probably end up with more come in his mouth than he knew how to handle.

Stiles groaned around the length, and if he could’ve sighed in relief, he would’ve. But, as it was, he just kept his head still, his mouth open wide, and his teeth back as the alpha’s cock thrust in between his lips. He’d thought of this more often than almost anything else - tasting his mate’s juices, feeling the hot, swollen head of Derek’s cock slamming down his throat and, though he was out of practice, he was impressed by himself, at how well he took it in.

The werewolf moved one hand to pull his own shirt up a little, mainly just exposing his abdomen, out of the way enough so that he wouldn't get his new shirt dirty. He put both hands back on Stiles’s head, fingers tangled desperately in the beautiful brown locks.

Derek knew it wouldn't take long, not if he got the right angle, so he looked down at Stiles and smirked, eyes beaming bright crimson as his fangs descended, "Breathe through your nose, don't pass out on me." He pulled his mate's head further on his cock and almost sobbed, hips thrusting anxiously as he fucked the younger man's sweet little mouth.

Stiles did as Derek told him, knees sliding slightly on the floor as he kept his breathing calm, his throat lax, and sucked on each pull of the dick in his mouth. The tears weren’t really something he could control, it likely happened to the best, so he blinked them out of the way, feeling them fall down his cheeks as his hands tightened around Derek’s knot, thumbs rubbing the solid skin as he timed his breaths and looked up at the werewolf, his own orgasm building and he felt his cheeks heat just from that. Fuck, he was that premature ejaculating guy, or Jason Biggs in American Pie, not even fucking touching himself and it was already happening.

The alpha's chest heaved, broken whimpers and growls falling from his mouth as he watched his length disappear repeatedly into Stiles’s mouth, " _Fuck, so close_."

He wiped the tears that were streaming down his mate's face and bit his bottom lip, stomach clenching as he tried pushing part of his knot passed Stiles’s lips, "If it's too much just tap my leg." He made sure he continually pulled back enough for his mate to breathe, thrusting in desperately and almost choking when he felt his orgasm hit.

Derek pulled the younger man's mouth clear down to his knot and held him there as he came, legs shaking and knot inflating even more, "That's it. God, taking it so good."

It was more than he’d expected, but Stiles swallowed at once, knowing it was going to be a lot. Still, though, he felt the dribble of it down his chin and kept his eyes on Derek’s as he pulled back finally, bobbing his head along the length, mouth full with the alpha’s fluids swirling around his cock before he pulled off completely and swallowed the rest down.

Stiles let out a sigh of breath, nuzzling the length and licking down along it, around the knot again as he panted. He’d soaked his jeans, and he was positive Derek knew it, his cheeks flushed - but he didn’t care, he could be completely shameless when it came to his mate.

Derek grinned knowingly, able to smell his mate's orgasm and that alone was enough to have him ready for more. He reached down and pulled Stiles to his feet before leaning in and kissing him, licking the taste of his own come out of the smaller man's mouth, rubbing the front of Stiles’s jeans, "You have any idea how hot it is that you got off without being touched? All I'm gonna be thinking about all through dinner is getting you off again, on nothing but my knot."

Stiles smirked and squirmed slightly, kissing Derek back and pulling the other man’s pants back up, “I couldn’t help it. I wasn’t kidding when I told you I wanted that, really, really badly,” He chuckled, throat worn, “And you’ve known, pretty much since the beginning, what your knot does to me. And your taste,” He let out a heavy breath, “I love the way you taste.”

"Was it too much?" Derek asked warily now that he was coming back down from his orgasm, more concerned about his mate's well-being, "Didn't hurt you, did I?" He brushed his nose against Stiles’s and absolutely **did not** fucking whine in the back of his throat like a big puppy, he'd deny it until the day he died.

“No, not in the slightest,” Stiles laughed and kissed Derek, tongue licking inside of the larger man’s mouth as he wrapped his arms around Derek’s neck, “You were actually really gentle. I mean, my lips are a little numb, and my jaw hurts a bit, but I’d get that from any normal, run of the mill blow job, like all the ones before. The only real difference is... This time I ruined my pants, and that doesn’t exactly spell ‘hurt’, does it?”

"Guess not," Derek agreed and allowed himself to smile again, seemed like the more he allowed himself to fall back into some sense of normalcy, the less everything hurt.

The alpha wrapped his arms around Stiles and hugged him, lifted the smaller man off of his feet with the intensity of it. He sat him down once more and ran the palm of his hand over the back of his mate's head, kissing the corner of his mouth as his stomach grumbled loudly, "Food should be done, yeah?"

Stiles started to nod as the timer on the stove went off. He chuckled, kissing Derek back before turning around and pulling the dish out, taking down plates and making drinks as it cooled before making each of theirs and setting Derek’s on the table, taking the seat on the other corner, just beside his chair. It was astounding, almost, how quickly things were starting to feel like ‘old times’, but he had to keep in mind that nothing was the same; things had changed - and some not for the better.

"Thank you," Derek gestured to the food, looking at Stiles almost sheepishly before digging in. The alpha tasted the first forkful tentatively and all but groaned as he chewed, repeating the motion again and again until his plate was empty and he hadn't so much as taken a drink.

He wiped his mouth and brought the cup to his lips, sipping enough to rinse the food down, "Delicious."

Stiles couldn’t help grinning as he ate, barely a few bites in as he watched the werewolf consume his meal. There wasn’t much more satisfying than an approving mate. Though Stiles wasn’t much of a chef, he’d explored a few culinary arts while he was out of state. He pushed his plate over in offering and smiled, “I had a pretty big breakfast, please, **eat**.”

Derek almost felt like he was a main attraction at a circus or something, but he knew that the amused grin on his mate's face was one of satisfaction - he also knew Stiles was offering the food with good intentions, not to poke fun. The alpha grabbed the plate and pulled it closer, keeping his head down as he finished off the younger man's food.

The werewolf leaned back in his chair and let out a heavy breath, fingers moving to unbutton his jeans again, "Pretty sure that's the most I've eaten in over two months."

“Not any more,” Stiles said as he stood, taking a sip of his drink and leaning down to kiss the top of Derek’s head, “Might sound weird coming from me, but we’ve seriously got to get some meat on your bones, fatten you back up.”

He kissed the alpha’s forehead, running his thumb back behind Derek’s ear, “Dad should be home soon, did you wanna escape to my room before me and him have the talk?”

Derek looked at Stiles and his eyes widened a bit, guilt pulling his brows tight, "You know he's gonna blame me for all of this right? The college thing, he probably won't want me here, Stiles." The alpha stood up as well, running his hand over his stomach idly, just slightly self-conscious that he wasn't quite as cut as he use to be - or as thick and solid, according to his mate.

“I don’t care what he says or how he thinks about it,” Stiles shook his head, “If I can grow up, so can he, and he’s going to have to realize that not everything can be blamed on one person.”

He pulled Derek’s arm from his waist and wrapped it around himself, moving in and enveloping his mate within his own, “He’ll have to deal with you being here, that’s life, whether he likes it or not. You’re my mate, what happens to you happens to me, and vice versa.” Stiles closed his eyes as he dropped his head against the werewolf’s chest and breathed him in, hands running up under the back of the alpha’s shirt, fingers tracing his warm skin.

Derek nodded and pressed his lips to the top of his mate's head, left hand moving to tilt Stiles’s head up before leaning in to kiss him, heated but short, "I don't think I should hide away in your room while you handle everything. Not only am I a grown man, but I'm an alpha too - a conversation with you and your father shouldn't really scare me. I wanna stay with you, be your back-up if you need it."

The werewolf kissed Stiles again and looked the younger man in the eyes, grinning just faintly, "I love you."

Stiles smiled back, “I love you too,” He moved to the counter, taking his gun and tucking it away in the back of his jeans before pulling Derek into the livingroom, taking a seat on the couch and lacing their fingers together as he mused aloud, “So tomorrow, I’ll see about getting transferred schools - because of responsibilities to my family - and go out, hunt down Isaac and the rest of the pack, call back here a few times to make sure you’re okay, and hopefully have them here before dinner time, sound good?”

"I'll probably be restless without you, but yeah," Derek nodded and brushed his mate's hand with his thumb, "Sounds good. And I know it sounds really paranoid of me, but as far as my pack knows... I'm dead, what if they joined another pack?"

The alpha felt a lump rise in his throat as he looked at Stiles, "I mean, I know I was hard on them but I don't think I could stand losing them, you know? Never thought I'd say it but, I kind of miss them."

“We’ll cross that bridge if it’s been built, but I doubt it,” Stiles admitted, “I know your pack, and they love you. Not just because you’re their alpha, but because you’re a good one. You’ve never pushed them into something they didn’t wanna do. And, trust me, they’re not the kind that listen normally, so an alpha even remotely like Peter was wouldn’t sway them. I doubt there’s many out there like you.”

He kissed along Derek’s scruff, “Give them some credit, you didn’t pick morons to be in your pack.”

Derek leaned into Stiles’s kisses and closed his eyes for a beat, just breathing and acknowledging what his mate had said. He wouldn't admit it aloud - mainly because people expected him to exude confidence - but he didn't necessarily feel like a good alpha, he'd neglected his pack just to save his own skin.

Stiles curled up against Derek, stroking his beard and breathing him in as he smiled, “I don’t know what I was thinking, leaving you behind - I must be a moron. I thought I could handle the distance, but it was... It wasn’t even like I’d left a part of me behind, it was like I left everything, body, bones, muscles, organs. I don’t think I’ll overestimate myself that badly again.”

"It felt the same for me," Derek murmured, turning his head to kiss his mate's temple, "It was like my body was here, but my heart and everything else wasn't, it was with you - made it hard to function, even on good days. For a while, before the fire and everything, Isaac tried to get me out of the house," He chuckled a little, "Told me I really was a sour wolf, said he couldn't wait until you got back because I was pathetic."

“If anyone’s even remotely been leading our pack, it’s most likely Isaac,” Stiles considered, “He’s the only one with enough confidence to do it.”

He started kissing along the soft bristles of Derek’s jaw, “I didn’t have anyone to tell me I was acting weird. I know I freaked out most of the kids in my classes. Ironic, going from the loudest person in the world to that silent boy that sits in the front row and never misses an assignment. About the only thing I really did right was school work, thank the gods, but that was only credited to the fact that, when I worked, I could just forget everything, and get lost in it for as long as I could. Otherwise, I was like this walking corpse.”

Derek nosed at Stiles’s mouth and shook his head minutely, "We won't have to be like that anymore, now that I've got you I'm not ever gonna let you go again - being without you felt like the longest, most miserable year of my life."


	4. Chapter 3

The alpha turned a little more bodily on the couch, enough to hold his mate's cheeks within his palms as he kissed him, "How long until your dad gets home?"

“Well, I really have no clue, he should’ve been home ten minutes ago,” Stiles breathed as he stared into Derek’s eyes, his own widening as his heart picked up again, “He could be working a double shift, I can text him, see when he’ll be back.” A double shift wouldn’t be without it’s charm.

Derek nodded numbly and whispered against Stiles’s mouth as he moved to cover the smaller man's body with his own, forcing his mate back on the couch, "Maybe you should do that." He dipped his hand down into Stiles’s pocket and pulled the phone out, laying it on his chest as he moved down his mate's body. Derek lifted the hem of the smaller man's shirt and nosed along Stiles’s happy trail, kissing over the fuzz as he undid his mate's jeans.

Stiles groaned as he watched the alpha, blushing as he remembered his accident from earlier. He swallowed as he typed out a text to his dad and let the phone sit against his shirt, watching it rise with his breaths as he ran his fingers through Derek’s hair. Nervous probably wasn’t the right word, but he couldn’t really think of another. He was so eager that he was almost vibrating against the cushions.

The werewolf tugged Stiles’s jeans down and laid them on the floor next to the couch, fingertips hooking just under the elastic of his mate's boxers, shifting them down slowly and smirking as he watched the fabric pull from Stiles’s skin.

The smell of the come was heady, strong and causing his cock to throb as he leaned in and licked the soaked cock head. The first lick was tentative, eyes flicking up to meet his mate's as he ventured further and mouthed along the sticky shaft, practically sucking the come off the skin, cleaning his partner and growling almost satisfactorily as he did so.

“Oh my god,” Stiles breathed, fighting the urge to let his eyes roll back in his head. He kept them on Derek, watching his mate clean him and nearly jumped out of his skin when his phone buzzed with the soft little Star Trek communicator chirp. He pulled it up and almost sighed in relief.

“Yeah,” He said, licking his lips and touching the back of Derek’s head, “He won’t be back for like eight and a half more hours.”

Derek flicked the tip of Stiles’s cock with his tongue, eyes glinting heatedly, "Good."

He suckled the tip just barely and pulled the soaked boxers completely off of the smaller man. He leaned down and kissed his mate's sticky thighs, tongue lapping at the drying juices. It'd been so long since he had his lover's taste in his mouth and he was going to savor it, memorize every sweet and bitter taste.

The alpha pressed his palms to the insides of Stiles’s knees and spread his legs further apart, putting one leg up over the back of the couch as he nuzzled his face against the smaller man's heat, lips resting against the pink puckered entrance as he inhaled his mate's musk and arousal.

"Mine," Derek husked out, voice gravelly and stern as he brought his thumb up to massage the sweet little rim, tongue laving beside it.

Stiles nodded and whimpered, scratching his fingers back behind Derek’s ear as he leaned forward, “Yours,” He said, licking his lips and not even bothering to stifle the soft, throaty, needy sounds coming from his mouth as he felt Derek pressing against him.

Though he’d been with that guy the night before, he was grateful that the alpha was still willing to give him this. He’d still argue he didn’t deserve it, and the tightening up in his chest made him somewhat worried Derek would remember, or know, or smell the man, he only hoped that his mate knew how out of his mind and stupid Stiles had been.

Derek brought both hands up then and pulled the little hole as wide as it would go, mouth covering it as he hummed, tongue pressing into the slick heat. Stiles’s body was already prepped and he knew why, but he forced it into the darkest, most suppressed recesses of his mind - because he needed this, needed Stiles.

The alpha moved and placed hot, open mouthed kisses up to his mates balls, running his tongue over the soft, wrinkled flesh before sucking them into his mouth one by one, pressing his index finger into the smaller man. He worked him like that for a few minutes before adding another finger, teeth nibbling at Stiles’s inner thighs. The alpha smirked and his eyes flashed, locking on Stiles’s as he bit down on the tender flesh and added a third finger all at the same time.

“Derek!” Stiles gasped as he watched the werewolf, body shaking and trying to roll against the fingers, legs trembling as his cock jumped eagerly. He threw his head back and fisted the alpha’s hair, already so close to coming again that it hurt, “Oh my god, oh my god, fuck, fuck, fuck, _fuck_.”

He bit his bottom lip, brows pulled tight together as he reached down and squeezed the base of his dick, all but hissing in pain as he did it. No one could come close to this - he’d thought the similarities, the gruff exterior, the clearly broken man behind the mask, those hands, would’ve been enough to satisfy him, to imitate Derek in a way that imitation crab meat was meant to satiate you, but it hadn’t even come **close**. It was like trying to replace steak with vomit. No one would ever be like Derek, _no one, ever_.

"Gonna mark you up from head to toe," Derek promised softly, licking at the new mark, fingers curling and twisting inside of his mate as he pumped them in and out, scissoring his digits and stretching Stiles. The alpha's inner wolf was getting antsy, clawing at him, eager to just pull Stiles onto his knot and pump him so full of come that he wouldn't be able to walk without it streaming down his thighs - but he had to be patient, had to remind himself that it had been a year since he knotted Stiles.

The werewolf moved his mouth to the other leg and bit down again, marking the writhing mess that was Stiles, just above his knee. "What do you want me to do, Stiles?" The alpha raised his brows a little, wanting to hear Stiles beg for it, mouth still hot and insistent on his mate's skin as he stared up at him.

“I want you to mark me everywhere you can,” Stiles said, reaffirming what Derek had stated before, more than desperate to have every part of his body aching with little toothy wounds, “I want you to fuck me until I can’t breathe.”

He ran his thumb along Derek’s bottom lip, fingers scratching through his stubble as he looked at the marks on his legs before staring into his mate’s eyes once more, “I want you to stuff your knot in me and stretch me out until I’m a sobbing wreck, I wanna be hanging off it for hours, twitching every time you move, trying to push in even deeper. I want to taste you from my ass to my tongue.”

Derek withdrew his fingers and leaned back on his heels, holding Stiles’s calf in his hands as he brought it to his mouth and bit down, watching the smaller man's expressions, eating up every little squirm and moan.  He lowered his mate's leg and undid his pants once again, unzipping them and standing from the couch momentarily as he stepped out of them, boxer-briefs as well.

The alpha crawled back between Stiles’s legs, running his palms along the milky thighs before pulling his own shirt off. Derek leaned down and ran his hand up under his mate's shirt, pads of his fingers brushing the smaller man's nipples, "Did you miss my knot?" He nipped at Stiles’s bottom lip, "Were there any nights you'd get off thinking about how I felt inside you?"

"Every night, every time that I got off," Stiles admitted, closing his eyes for a moment as he got lost in the feeling of his alpha's hands - the warm, rough skin touching his own, "I was always thinking of you, Derek. I was always imagining your lips, your teeth, your knot."

He was seriously going to die if he didn't have Derek inside of him soon, "Please, oh my god, I need more of you pressed against me, I don’t think I can breathe if I don’t.”

Derek couldn't help but grin. It was nice seeing Stiles so desperate, so eager for him - more than anything, it helped calm him, reassured him that his mate wanted him. He bit the end of the smaller man's chin lightly and stared into his eyes, hungry for it, almost feverish with the want that wracked his body, to feel his mate's tight heat wrapped snugly around his knot.

The alpha leaned back enough to spit in his hand and lather it along his length, moving back in and lining himself up against Stiles as he stared the smaller man in the eyes. Derek pushed in non-stop, knowing it'd sting for his mate - but he wanted that ache to linger, he wanted Stiles to know who put it there.

Stiles’s eyes widened at the burn, biting his bottom lip so hard he was sure that he broke through somewhere, tasting the sharp, bitter copper tang of blood. It’d been far too long since he’d had Derek inside of him, his body wasn’t use to it anymore - which, in his mind, was a fucking sin against nature. He should always know this man, he should always be able to receive Derek as a fitted glove receives it’s hand.

“Derek,” He breathed out in a tight voice, “Fuck, yes.”

Derek rested his hips at the hilt and let out a heavy breath, eyes locked intently on his mate's as he pulled back and thrust in. His senses were almost overwhelmed, nose full of his mate's scent but since he'd been back it'd been tinged with something else, _someone_ else - and the smaller man was tight around the alpha's girth but it was almost like he could feel the other man's presence there before him.

Derek furrowed his brows and increased the pace, making the couch squeak with his movements, hand coming up to grab Stiles’s jaw in order to make sure his mate kept his eyes on him and only him, "This what you wanted?"

“Yeah,” Stiles said at once, panting and rolling his body with the larger man’s thrusts. He ran his hands over Derek’s chest and shoulders, up his neck and over the stubble, around the backs of his ears once more. Every time they got like this he turned into some mumbling, frantic moron that didn’t get sense to come out of his mouth a good percent of the time as Derek’s dick pushed into him, fueling the nonsense.

The alpha rocked into Stiles at a progressively increasing pace, eyes flashing involuntarily as he kept the smaller man's gaze, insecurity creeping back up on him and coming out in the form of words, "Did he fuck you like this?" He cinched his brows together, undoubtedly hurt - but he kept drilling into Stiles anyway, knot already starting to swell a little, "Bet you weren't so vocal and eager for him, were you?"

Stiles stared up at Derek in surprise, fingers fisting the back of his mate’s hair. Keeping quiet probably wasn’t a wise thing, he figured it was best to answer completely honestly, hoping that it was what Derek wanted to hear.

“No, I was pretty quiet,” He blushed, panting between words, “He didn’t fuck me like this.”

The werewolf bit on his bottom lip when he felt the beginning of his knot press against Stiles every time he pushed forward, he nodded once, "Good."

Derek looked down between them, only tearing his eyes from his mate's long enough to wrap his palm around Stiles’s cock, fisting the girth almost tentatively - completely contrasting his harsh, almost painful thrusts.

He pushed the younger man's shirt up with his free hand and leaned down to kiss the warm skin, trying to relax Stiles a little before sinking his teeth into the flesh just above his mate's nipple, growling around the mouthful, " **Mine**."

Stiles hissed and smirked in approval, his fist clenching tight in Derek’s hair and tugging, “Yes, your’s, my alpha,” He said, legs wrapping around the werewolf’s waist, “ _Only yours_.”

The sound of Derek’s growl was practically vibrating through him, causing chill bumps to rise on his skin as he moaned and arched his chest against the larger man’s mouth. The hand on his dick was moving agonizingly slow compared to everything else, and he knew he was already close to coming again.

The alpha lapped at the teeth indentations, humming almost satisfactorily when he noticed his mate's pale skin reddening around it. Derek leaned into the touch and reveled in the feel of having Stiles pull his hair, causing his cock to throb and his hips to piston quickly, filling the otherwise silent room with sounds of their skin slapping. His knot was almost already too swollen to fit inside of Stiles, so he clenched his jaw and forced himself in entirely, gasping as he watched the smaller man's pink rim stretch around the width of his knot.

"Say it again," Derek demanded breathlessly, thumb teasing the tip of his mate's cock on every uptake, "Tell me who you belong to."

“You, Derek, I’m always yours,” Stiles choked, mind swirling at the feeling of Derek’s knot swelling inside of him, “Oh my god, oh my god, I’ve missed this.”

He reached down between them, shaking fingers touching around the base of the knot the best he could as he brushed his nose along his mate’s shoulder, “Oh god, Derek.” He couldn’t really gather any more words beyond that, lips stretched in an ‘o’ shape as he dropped his head back and arched, ass rolling down on the larger man’s dick.

Derek shook his head absentmindedly and pulled back out completely before sitting down on the couch, all but pulling Stiles onto his lap and back onto his cock, palms tightly placed on his mate's hip as he bucked up and pressed his lips just between the younger man's shoulder blades. Stiles was eager, so Derek didn't have to guide much as he rutted up into him, knot lodged snugly and insistently stretching out his mate.

The alpha reached around Stiles’s waist and took his cock back up in his hand, fisting a little faster than before as he clenched his eyes shut and bit into the back of the smaller man's shoulder. It was more convenient this way, cuddling after the knotting would be more comfortable in this position - another perk was the fact that Stiles wouldn't be able to see the hurt on his face anytime the imagery of his mate being fucked by another man inevitably etched it's way into his mind.

“Oh, fuck,” Stiles arched his back and reached down, hand touching Derek’s as his fingers folded over the larger ones, tugging his dick and he let out a shaky breath as he concentrated on the knot inside of him, “Oh my god, it feels so good. Derek, please.” He wasn’t even sure if he was asking for something or not, but he felt like something needed to be said, “Mm, my alpha.”

Regardless of Derek's insecurity, one thing he knew he'd never get tired of hearing was Stiles saying 'my alpha'. It elicited emotions within him that he wasn't necessarily familiar with. He understood longing and lust, possessiveness and the urge to mark his mate. And even though he was fucking Stiles, literally seconds away from coming, he felt weak and empty, like he just needed someone to take care of him - he needed **Stiles** to take care of him, but that left him feeling conflicted because he couldn't afford to be vulnerable.

Derek reached up with his free hand and twisted the digits in his mate's hair, yanking the smaller man's head back roughly as he bit down into the sore, purpling marks along his neck.

"And you're mine," The alpha croaked out, voice broken and debauched as he pressed his lips to Stiles’s ear, rolling his hips up as he came, "Don't... _ah_ , don't you forget it again." The werewolf's chest heaved with the labor and he tightened his fist around his mate's cock, still holding Stiles’s head back, "Now, come for me."

Stiles came, resisting the urge to buck too much, and he turned into Derek’s cheek as he dropped back down from his high, “I never forgot it, Derek, never.”

He ran his nails through the back of the werewolf’s hair, “I told you before, no one else will ever compare, not even in the slightest. Your dick, your knot, your hands, the smell of your breath, the sound of your voice, the feeling of your body pressed against me; no one else will ever compare. He was nothing, nothing at all, the mere thought of you filling me is more than satisfying, he wasn’t, not even in the slightest.”

Derek could feel his knot swell more, expanding rapidly inside of his mate. He didn't really want to talk about it but they were stuck together, he couldn't exactly ignore Stiles for half an hour. The alpha did, however, try to bury his face in the crook of the smaller man's neck, hiding his face as he nodded, "I know."

He kissed the tender skin and wrapped an arm around his mate's waist, "I'm trying to let it go, Stiles, I really am."

“I know, I’m sorry you even feel the need to have to let go of anything,” Stiles said as he turned to try and look Derek in the eyes, “I know I’ve disappointed you, I know you don’t want to talk about it, but we shouldn’t just ignore it. I won’t talk about it any more now, I know you're tired of it.”

He brushed his fingers through Derek’s scruff, “I love you, and I’m going to take care of you, I promise.” Stiles scratched the back of the werewolf’s ears, kissing along his temple and forehead the best he could, “I love you.”

Derek couldn't stop the satisfied hum settling deep in his chest if he wanted to, leaning into his mate's touch and closing his eyes as he wrapped his other arm around Stiles, "I love you too."

The alpha knew that the younger man was telling the truth, and that he had been telling the truth - otherwise his heartbeat would've given him away. Stiles was right though, he didn't want to talk about it, but he had a feeling that they'd have to in order for him to actually heal, and move on from it.

Stiles moaned and dropped back as he relaxed against Derek, “Your arms,” He murmured, sliding his hands down them and clenching his walls around the werewolf’s knot repeatedly. He nipped Derek’s cheekbone, lapping at it and kissing along his brow.

* * *

Derek was positive that he shouldn't have gotten quite so reckless during the fight, though, putting his own well-being on the back burner in order to keep Stiles safe wasn't really something he could regret. The wounds the other pack had given him before were worse, almost bone deep - the gash in his side at the moment wasn't very deep, but it still hurt like a motherfucker. He tried focusing on other things instead of the searing pain, like how good it was to see his pack and to know that they were okay, to have them back him up during the fight.

They had all managed to come out of it mostly unscathed, Isaac had a nasty little cut just beneath his left eye and Erica's arm was bleeding but they'd definitely had worse. As it was, they were pacing the room anxiously - and although it was really nice to see them, the pacing was grating on his nerves.

The alpha leaned back on the motel bed, groaning miserably, "Stiles," He hissed in pain as he lifted his shirt the best he could, vision almost going fuzzy with the intensity of it, "Make them wait outside or something before they wear down the damn carpet." The pack knew to listen to his mate, Stiles was second in command - one of the perks of being mated to an alpha.

Stiles nodded softly and touched Derek’s stubble, “Okay, I’ll be right back.” He stood and gathered up the rest of the werewolves, amused because they already knew what was coming - yet they were waiting for Stiles to say the command.

“Take five, guys. Go out, get a drink, get some food if you want,” Stiles touched each one specifically, Erica’s shoulder, Isaac’s back, Jackson’s forearm, “Call me if anything happens or comes up, even in the slightest.”

Derek rolled his eyes because even amidst the amount of pain he was feeling, he was almost positive he could hear each one of them whining as they shuffled out the door. Normally they put up more of an argument before submitting and doing what they're told, but Stiles had a way with them - and Derek admired it, adored the way his pack listened to his mate even when they wouldn't listen to him.

The alpha pressed his hand to the wound and applied pressure the best he could, wincing and growling, " _Stiles_."

Stiles moved back to Derek and sat down next to him once more, covering his alpha’s hand with his own. He ran the fingers of his free hand through the larger man’s hair and kissed his forehead, “I’m here, baby,” He said, cheeks heating slightly at the nickname he pretty much **never** used, “They’re gone for now. What do you need?”

Derek tried to grin at the nickname, although he was sure it came off as more of a scowl. He nodded vaguely towards the table, "Should be stuff in my bag to sew me up, doesn't have to be perfect, just well enough to keep my skin together - my body'll do the rest."

One of the downfalls of being injured by another alpha, was the fact that injuries took longer to heal - faster than a human, but still not quite as fast as he'd normally recover.

“Ah, okay,” Stiles moved from the table quickly, grabbing the bag and bringing it over. He helped the alpha onto his side, resting the man’s head in his lap and combing fingers through his hair once more before rummaging through the bag, “I’ve uh... Never done this before, so bare with me.” He fumbled with the needle, starting in on the skin and sewing through as quickly and carefully as possible.

Derek held onto Stiles’s thighs and focused his breathing, in through his nose and out of his mouth to keep from hyperventilating. He remained still, body tightening up only once - but he inhaled his mate's scent and felt himself relax almost instantly.

"Thank you," The alpha forced out after a few minutes, voice taut and strained.

“You’re welcome,” Stiles said, smiling sadly as he finished up the home-made stitch, pulling over the bowl of water Erica had been using and strained the washcloth. He cleaned the blood from Derek’s side, fingers moving carefully as he scratched behind the werewolf’s ear, rubbing along the base of it, “How’s everything else feel?”

The alpha growled his contentment, closing his eyes as he tried leaning into the scratch, body tingling almost pleasurably from it - which was a nice distraction from the pain. He tilted his head a little and looked up at Stiles, "I feel fine, _figuratively_. I'm still in one piece, so I suppose that's a plus, should be healed in a couple of days at the most."

He frowned a little and ran his palm along his mate's thigh, "Next time when I ask you to stay out of it, could you maybe listen to me for once? I could've sworn that bitch was gonna gut you."

“With your life at stake?” Stiles smiled wider, putting the bowl away finally, “Never.”

He couldn’t imagine sitting back and watching Derek be torn to shreds, not without trying to stop it first; not without putting everything on the line to save him, “You were kind of awesome, though. Don’t think I’ve ever been so proud of you.”

Derek snorted and shifted a little, wincing and then beaming almost bashfully up at Stiles, "I was kind of kickass, huh? Pretty sure I took out three of them by myself. I don't deserve all the credit, though - remind me to thank them when they get back, provided I'm conscious."

The alpha moved his hand from his mate's thigh to his hip, squeezing the skin through the fabric tentatively, "And thank you, for finding them and bringing them to me. I love you."

“I love you, and any time,” Stiles felt his heart pick up at Derek’s touch and he smiled.

He moved them, carefully, shifting the larger man on the bed before patching up his side with gauze and tape incase he started to bleed any more. He kept Derek’s head in his lap, his own back against the headboard and the werewolf’s waist covered with a blanket as he kept combing his fingers along Derek's scalp to help ease the pain with some sense of pleasure.

Derek focused solely on the fingers running through his hair, forcing the pain to the back of his mind and, after a while, he started dozing. Some indiscernible time later he mumbled against his mate's leg, sleepy but clear enough for Stiles to hear - and he wasn't sure if the pack was back yet, but he really didn't give a shit if they heard him, "Hey, Stiles," He kept his eyes closed, "When I can actually move, do you wanna help me with some blueprints? Maybe map out a new home together, add more rooms this time for those ingrates of ours?"

Stiles’s eyes widened as he smiled and felt his chest tighten at Derek’s words. He almost nodded, but knew the werewolf wouldn’t see. He watched his mate’s face closely as he responded back, “Blueprints, rooms?” It sounded like Derek wanted to rebuild the house differently and, while it definitely sounded like something he would be delighted to be a part of, he would miss the way it was before, “I do.”

"Good," Derek all but whispered, nuzzling his face against the heat of the smaller man's thigh, "I just want us to have a home again, we deserve it."

He furrowed his brows as the memory of the fire resurfaced and it was almost like he could feel the hot licks of the flames against his face, he sniffled a little and realized the warmth was tears streaking his cheeks, "I put so much into the old house for you, made it a home for us and it was, it was ours. I'm sorry, sorry there wasn't more I could do."

The alpha yawned and wiped his wet eyes on the denim covering Stiles’s legs, "I don't regret running, though, because I've still got you - the new place'll be better, we can build it together."

Stiles moved them, rolling Derek onto his back and climbing over him, kissing the tears from his cheeks. He smoothed his hands up the alpha’s chest, “I don’t mind, I like building things with you. It’s kind of sexy seeing you lift hard wood and spread paint between the cracks - get all sweated and dirty, muscles wrought and worn from the day’s work.”

He kissed down Derek’s jaw, “You definitely deserve a home, and I’m going to love helping you again, I always will.”

The werewolf covered Stiles’s hands on his chest with his own, barely opening his eyes to look up at his mate, slightly embarrassed he'd cried without even realizing it. He nodded and then chuckled lightly, still so exhausted it physically hurt to keep his eyes open, "I didn't mean to, you know..."

He had Stiles rub where his cheek had been wet, "Get like this. God, make sure Jackson doesn't find out, that little shit'll never respect me." He was thankful, though, that the younger man was able to see the good in being able to rebuild a new home together, definitely would make the process easier.

“I’ll shove my elbow in his face if he even tries,” Stiles reassured his mate, “I like when you’re open with me, even if you do it on an accident. You don’t have to hide yourself from me.”

He nosed Derek’s lips, “You can always be open and honest, and you won’t ever lose my respect; you’ll gain it.”

The alpha lifted a hand to cup the soft skin of Stiles’s cheek, pursing his lips to kiss the tip of his mate's nose, "You're the only person I'll ever be like this with, just don't expect it all the time - I hate feeling like this, hate feeling weak. I can be like this with you, but I need to be **more** for them, stronger, more of a leader."

He winced when he leaned up a little to kiss Stiles, pain a dull ache insistent in his side, "Speaking of, how long have they been gone?"

Stiles looked at his watch, “About thirty minutes, Isaac texted me about ten minutes ago and I told him they could be out a bit longer.” He smiled, pressing his lips to Derek’s, “I know you need your pride, and no, I don’t expect it all the time, but it’s not weak, not at all. Being vulnerable around me is probably the strongest thing you **can** do.”

The alpha brushed his mate's cheek with his thumb, craning his neck to kiss Stiles again and again, the pleasure of having his partner's lips on his own drowned out most of the pain, "I'd lay my pride to the side for you, you know I would - I have and I'll continue to. Who I am with you and who I am with them are two completely different people, you get a side of me no one else ever will. You're my mate, you get all of me; the good, the bad, the strong fearless side and the emotional, vulnerable side."

The werewolf was silent for a minute or so, staring into Stiles’s eyes, "I don't like it, though, feeling weak and exposed, probably never will - and I'll always wish I could be more for you, better."

"It's impossible to be 'more', or 'better', I assure you," Stiles said, leaning down to Derek to make it so that the werewolf didn't have to strain himself so much, "You're my alpha, and you're perfect. Everyone has that side of them, the vulnerable side, the one they're ashamed of, but yours... Yours aren't simple fears like others are. You're a good, strong man, and you're more strong-willed than anyone I know, now stop saying that you wish you were better. Because, in my eyes, there isn't anything or anyone more perfect than you, and I mean that in every way possible. Even your sensitive side is perfect."

Derek lifted his other hand to cradle his mate's face within his palms, smiling almost fondly up at Stiles, feeling his heart clench up with the smaller man's words, "Seriously never gonna get tired of that, **your** alpha, huh?" The werewolf kissed Stiles, sweet and slow, pain subsiding at a substantial rate so long as his mate was near.

“Does the sourwolf have a kink for hearing his human say ‘my alpha’?” Stiles asked as he grinned, “Do you think it’s because the term is a misnomer? Or do you think it’s because you like feeling like you’re cherished and owned by someone, just as much as you cherish and own them?”

"Pretty sure it's the latter," Derek let his palms glide down Stiles’s chest and rest firmly on his hips, "That, and I just really like the way it sounds when you say it. If I wasn't hurting so bad right now I'd show you just how much I like it." The werewolf grinned through the pain, eyes flashing bright crimson for only a second.

Stiles let out a soft, surprised moan and leaned down to kiss Derek around his eyes, lapping and sucking the skin gently before curling up beside the werewolf, “In a few days you’ll be as good as new, or close to it, and then we can think about you showing me your approval of my terms of endearment. For now, concentrate on getting better, I’ll be right here.”


	5. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Season: After Season 2.

It took two days too long to heal, four days in total, and he was just thankful he was able to move without restrictions at this point. Stiles had taken the downtime as an opportunity to transfer all of his transcripts to the best college near by, which Derek was immensely thankful for - one less thing he had to stress about.

The alpha sat down at the rickety table, graph paper and pencil in hand. He set everything on the surface and leaned across to shut his mate's laptop, gesturing to the paper and patting his lap, "Come on, help me."

“I doubt sitting on your lap is going to help you concentrate on designing the rough draft of our house.”

Derek huffed and leaned in to kiss Stiles's temple, "I'll have you know I can concentrate just fine."

Stiles stood and slid his seat over by Derek’s, moving in close and taking the ruler and pencil, “Have you thought much on how you want things to be? Like rooms and bedrooms and stuff? We’re going for two floors, right?”

Derek turned back to the paper and shrugged, "Yes. I'd like to have the master bedroom downstairs and the rest upstairs. What do **you** want, though? This is gonna be our home, not just mine."

“I was going to say pretty much that,” Stiles admitted, “Could use a lot of soundproofing, though. If we plan on having the pups move in, there are a good few embarrassing sounds you make during sex, that I don’t think you want them to know about.”

He rubbed his nose against Derek’s, “I don’t wanna have to give them up just because they can hear, so we’ll have to get around that.”

Derek's eyes widened a little and he scoffed, grinning almost stupidly at Stiles, "I don't make weird noises, you're delusional. And if anything, we'd need the soundproofing to keep people from hearing the pack during full moons."

The alpha's features softened a little when he realized what his mate had said, turning a little more in his chair to look at Stiles straight on, "Wouldn't wanna give them up, huh?"

“Mm,” Stiles said softly, ghosting his lips over Derek’s before he turned to the paper and began doodling things out, using the ruler, “Yes, you make weird noises - strangled, choking, whimpering.” He grinned, fighting to keep his face turned away as he teased his mate, "Whining."

Derek chuckled and kissed the younger man's shoulder before turning back to the paper as well, looking between it and Stiles's face with an amused expression, "Obviously you like it. Besides, at least I don't beg for it." He cleared his throat and used his falsetto, teasing just as relentlessly as his mate was teasing him, " _Oh, Derek. Fuck yeah, god I want your knot, need you in me so bad. Please, please, please_."

The alpha sat back in the chair and laughed, holding his stomach with one hand and rubbing the small of the younger man's back with his other. He sobered himself a little, leaning forward and pressing his mouth to Stiles's ear as he whispered hotly, "I like it when you get like that."

Stiles shrugged as he felt the chill bumps running up his neck and skull, “I can’t help it, and don’t get me started on the begging. There was a time when you begged for **me** as well. ‘ _God, Stiles. Squeeze it - my knot, **please**_ ,’” He crooned in a lower voice, “You think I’m the only beggar here? I'm not.”

"Okay, okay - I concede," The alpha licked his lips and tried to staunch down the arousal he was feeling from just teasing Stiles, "We're getting off topic. So, soundproof walls, master downstairs and the rest upstairs. How many bedrooms do we want? And how many baths?"

“It’s probably best we splurge,” Stiles mused aloud, “I don’t like the idea of any of them sharing a bathroom. Sleepy pups fighting for both the shower **and** the toilet? It won’t end well. As for bedrooms, are we planning on expanding the family, or are we gonna keep it at a cozy handful?”

Derek shook his head at the thought of adding any more, "What we have now is just fine. I don't wanna have to worry about any new pups. I mean, unless you want more, but I'm pretty sure you're just as content as I am with our current litter."

“I am,” Stiles said as he continued scratching out more of the layout, moving into Derek’s lap, even though he’d mentioned it’s disadvantages, “Did we want anything else on the second floor, besides for their bedrooms and bathrooms?” He smoothed his free hand over Derek’s, leaning back into him and planting his feet better between the alpha’s.

The werewolf smirked at his mate's subtle movements and then he placed one hand on Stiles's hip, lips pressed to the back of the younger man's shoulder, "Maybe a laundry room? They're old enough to do their own laundry. Oh, and maybe we could even do reinforced steel walls, that'd be convenient for full moons and what not, yeah?"

Stiles raised his brows, “That could work. I mean-you mean for their rooms? Because maybe not, they’d just smash everything in there and you’d constantly have to replace the beds and tables, lamps, right? Or are you talking about like... Some kind of underground chamber or something? A designated room?”

"We could do a designated room, but what I was talking about was adding hooks to the walls or something, chain them up when the full moon rolls around. But the more I think about it, I think you're right, maybe a designated room would be best, they don't wanna have to sleep in their rooms and see hooks on the walls. So yeah, maybe something underground, the basement or something?"

“It’d be a bit drab and annoying around the moon, but it’s better than that foreboding set of chains dangling on the wall,” Stiles shifted closer even more, his ass sliding on the surface of the seat, leg pressing against Derek’s, “It might not be so bad later, once they get their anchors; Isaac was a natural. Then we won’t have to worry about them breaking through and doing something seriously stupid.”

"Erica and Boyd won't take much longer, Jackson is the one I'm worried about - he's so new, reckless. The kid had everything handed to him on a silver platter, it may be a little harder for him to find an anchor," Derek all but rolled his eyes at Stiles and grabbed the smaller man by the hips to pull him onto the werewolf's lap. He pressed his lips just beneath his mate's ear and wrapped his arms around Stiles possessively, "That better?"

Stiles laughed and pressed his ass firmly down against Derek’s lap, “I’m already distracted by the fact that you exist. You think we’ll get anything done with me sitting on your dick? But you’re right, Jackson will be more difficult than the others, maybe even impossible.”

"I wouldn't say 'impossible'. He's spent pretty much his whole life being an asshole to everyone he knows, inevitably pushing people away - he needs someone to believe in him now more than ever, whether he realizes it or not. He'll come around, we just gotta give him time," Derek sighed, because goddamn if that didn't sound familiar. The alpha pressed his lips to the cotton between Stiles's shoulder blades, "Told you I could concentrate, can you?"

“Probably _knot_ ,” Stiles breathed as he marked down the master bedroom and pressed his back against the larger man’s lips as he momentarily closed his eyes, “I can’t help it, it’s been for-fucking-ever since I’ve had your knot stuffed in me, you can’t hold it against me. Though... You can hold it _in_ me?”

"Stiles," Derek chuckled and felt his cock twitch in interest at his mate's words, "We'll never get anything done if all we do is fuck, and you know I want to, I always do," He lowered one hand to the smaller man's cock and squeezed, "Try keeping your head on the matters at hand and we'll fuck when we're done, deal?"

Stiles nodded slowly as he continued drawing out the livingroom and dining room, “Head, hand, fuck, you’re really distracting me. I told you, I can’t help it. I’m young, all I ever think about is you being knotted up with me for hours on end.”

The alpha squeezed his mate's hardening cock one more time before letting go, shifting a little and rocking his own erection against Stiles, "That all you ever think about, just me knotting you?" Derek was trying to pay attention to the rough draft, but the arousal wafting off of Stiles wasn't making it easy.

“Of course not - I think of more,” Stiles said, licking his lips as he pushed back on the hardening length underneath him, “Why? Are you curious? It shouldn’t surprise you.” He continued drawing out things, heart rate climbing as his dick filled, desperate for more attention.

Derek rubbed his face against his mate's back and fought the urge to rut upwards, arms still enveloping Stiles's waist completely, "Of course I'm curious," He took a deep breath, "Knotting isn't all I think about, or at least it hasn't been lately. Tell me what else you think about."

Stiles blushed furiously but started stammering through some kind of proper response, “Umm, well, like handcuffs and stuff? Fucking you? We never really got to use my uh... My toys, you know? And... I don’t know, it comes at me in waves some times, or just random whims, I can’t really think of everything right off the top of my head. Normally handcuffs, though.”

"Yeah?" Derek murmured and reached up to twist his mate's face to the side, grinning at the flush on Stiles's cheeks, "Who would the handcuffs be for, you or me?" Part of him wanted to get up and go to the nearest sex store already, he definitely approved of the direction this was heading - regardless of who would be tied up.

“Like... Either, or? Both... At the same time?” Stiles shrugged as he blushed even deeper, “Both work for me, I like both, don’t you? We wouldn’t just do it once, right?” He was rambling now, eyes widening as he stared at Derek, “I’m not a huge fan of BDSM, I’ll go with like - you sinking your teeth in, clawing me, marring me, carving your name into my spine, but I don’t do the whole like... Whips and chains and torture stuff.”

The alpha chuckled a little and turned Stiles on his lap, resting his hand on the smaller man's thigh, "I agree, I think handcuffs would be enough," His cock throbbed it's agreement, "Back to what you said before, about fucking me - is that actually something you think about? I know we haven't... not since before I first knotted you."

Stiles raised a brow, “I’m your mate, of course I think about fucking you. I’d think that’s expected, right? Everyone thinks about fucking their partners, that’s not like... Weird, or new, right?” He honestly missed it. Though he was all for knotting, and craved it like nobody's business, he loved being inside of Derek, having the alpha all needy around him.

"No, no, it's not... it's not **weird** ," The alpha reassured, smirking just slightly, "It's just, you haven't mentioned it, haven't tried fucking me since the last time and that was... shit, over a year ago." Derek reached up and brushed his thumb along Stiles's bottom lip, "Were you afraid I wouldn't want it, afraid I'd say no?"

“Kind of,” Stiles admitted, “I mean, that’s most of it. I guess I figured you just wouldn’t stand for it. I don’t know.”

Admitting it made him feel like he was sharing too much. It wasn’t often that Stiles felt like Derek didn’t want a part of him, but him topping was definitely up there. He didn’t hold it against his alpha, because that’s what Derek **was** , what kind of alpha lets his human mate top him once he’s taken his place up there?

Derek furrowed his brows a little as he observed his mate's face, "I wish you would have said something sooner."

He kissed Stiles's arm and squeezed the younger man's thigh reassuringly, "I'm just as much yours as you are mine and, just because I'm an alpha and I've claimed you, knotted you - that doesn't mean that I don't want you to fuck me, to take care of me the way I do you. I got off on it all those times **before** I knotted you, didn't I?"

Stiles nodded, “Yeah, well I figured that was different, since it’s changed now, and you’ve knotted me; I guess I just figured that that was your way of being done with being bottom.”

He looked down, trying to think of a way to explain it so it made more sense aloud, “Like you settled before. Who doesn’t get off when their mate is constantly slamming into their prostate? No one I’ve heard of.”

"So it's just a matter of you believing that I wanted it," Derek grinned and stood, pulling Stiles to his feet as well as he looked his mate in the eyes before kissing him, heated but short, teeth nipping playfully, "Trust me, Stiles, I wanted it."

The alpha turned bodily and pressed his backside against Stiles, intentionally rubbing his ass against his mate's erection, hand reaching back to grab the smaller man's thigh, "Still do."

Stiles’s eyes widened and he swore - if it was possible to get harder than he already was, goal accomplished. His palms took Derek’s hips, letting out a soft, surprised gasp of air as he pulled the werewolf against him, “I... I thought we were suppose to be working on blueprints and drafts, mister task-at-hand.”

"We were supposed to be, yeah," Derek closed his eyes momentarily and reveled in the feel of having Stiles pressed against him, "It's a miracle we ever get anything done, you know that? Pretty sure we'd fuck non-stop if we could."

The alpha took a deep steadying breath and turned back to Stiles, nose to nose and lips to lips, "I need you, just as much as you need me - you should know that, I miss having you in me."

“No, I... I know that, don’t get me wrong,” Stiles fought to correct Derek, “I know you need me, I know it’s mutual, I get that. I just... Sex is different, and you’re like this really **top** top, you know? It’s hard to imagine you wanting me like that now; wanting me to be on top and fuck you. But that’s like the only thing I don’t see happening mutually, I know you need me with pretty much everything else.”

The werewolf shook his head and looked at Stiles incredulously, "What part of this are you not getting? Would me bending over and grabbing my ankles open your eyes any? I know I can be a toppy bastard, trust me - but I don't think I've ever forgotten what your cock feels like buried deep inside of me. I **want** you to fuck me." _I need you to_.

Stiles blinked in surprise and cupped Derek’s cheek before leaning in and pressing his lips to the alpha’s. It was heated, breathless for a moment, but short-lived as he pulled back and ran his hand down the alpha’s side, “Well, alright then. I’ll... Top too.”

Derek smirked and nodded before kissing Stiles again, hand laying lazily on the smaller man's hip, "Good." He pressed their noses together, nuzzling playfully, "So then, back to the blueprints, yeah?"

“Blueprints, oh, yes, those things,” Stiles said, smirking as he laced their fingers together and sat back in his own seat, pulling the graph paper to himself and continuing where he’d left off at. He was excited, honestly, even though that was a common enough occurrence - being excited for sex - but really? This time, it was for a different reason.

* * *

The alpha was ecstatic, he'd gotten the news around noon that the blueprints had been finalized, the contractor contacted him to let him know the old home had been leveled and that they could begin building. Stiles had been in class so he didn't text his mate, instead he waited for the blue jeep to pull up in front of the motel, all but attacking Stiles as soon as he walked through the door.

Derek balled his fists into the smaller man's shirt and pressed him up against the door, left hand reaching out to lock it as he kissed his mate with enthusiasm, gasping out things like 'I missed you' and 'couldn't wait for you to get here'.

What he was really excited for, was to tell Stiles that they could start on their home, he'd save it for after the sex though. He maneuvered the smaller man over to the table, hands touching his mate everywhere he could reach before hoisting the smaller man up onto the table.

The day had worn on Stiles and, more often than not, he found himself thinking of Derek, back at the motel; which was why being greeted in such a way was more satisfying than anything he could think of. He was slightly thrown off, but he approved. Derek sitting him on the table sort of twitched something inside of him, but he fought to ignore it and tried to keep pace with the clearly excited alpha. His hands moved to Derek's ears, kissing him and groaning against his mouth.

The alpha kissed along Stiles's jaw and down his throat, growling possessively before nipping at the green and yellow marks coloring the smaller man's neck, "Gonna have to mark you up again," He nosed at them, "They're fading."

Derek lowered his hands to his mate's jeans and undid them, yanked the zipper down and pulled Stiles from the table before turning him around and pushing at the younger man's upper back so that he'd have to put both palms on the table.

Stiles gasped in shock and grabbed the edges, shutting his eyes tight as he remembered the man he’d been with, those hands on him, that rough, burly voice _, ‘Not sure what you're tryin' to do, man, but I'm not a goddamn dog,’_ and he could taste the cock on his tongue, almost gagging just from the phantom flavor. He could even feel the wood of the table digging into him with each thrust - Stiles didn’t realize that he’d started panting, having a panic attack as he was brought back, his hand touching his chest as he felt the tears on his cheeks.

Derek furrowed his brows just as he was about to pull down Stiles's jeans, but he stopped when he smelled the distress pouring off of his mate in waves, "Stiles?"

The alpha backed up and pulled the smaller man from the table, hands automatically moving to the younger man's face, eyes scanning him to make sure he was okay, "Stiles, come on, babe, talk to me. What's wrong?" The tears weren't really a good sign, and just seeing his mate's wet cheeks made his stomach twist up in knots.

Stiles shook his head as he moved from the table to the couch nearby and climbed onto it, pulling his knees to his chest as he counted down and fought to get his breath back. Gods, he was so embarrassed to even have this kind of issue, and how the hell was he suppose to explain it to Derek? He looked up at his alpha, sniffled as he felt more tears spilling down his face, and he dropped his head to his arms in shame.

The werewolf followed, anxious and concerned to figure out what was wrong. He sat down next to Stiles and kissed the back of his mate's head, nerves getting the best of him and causing his voice to crack, "Just breathe, okay?" He'd been with the younger man long enough to know he was having a panic attack, what was worrying him was 'why'.

Derek carded his fingers through his mate's hair, "Can you look at me?"

Stiles wiped the tears from his cheeks, even as more fell, and he looked at Derek. He knew his face was red, his eyes were likely puffy and pink as he stared at his mate and shook his head, “I’m sorry.” His voice was shaky, and he fought the urge to hide his face once more as he cried, “Derek, I’m sorry.” He knew he couldn’t get away with it, not without telling his mate the truth, but fuck, he seriously didn’t want to.

Derek shook his head, brows cinched together even more, confused out of his wits as he tried consoling his mate, "Hey, it's okay." And though he was telling Stiles that it was okay, he wasn't sure if it was, because he couldn't figure out why Stiles was apologizing.

The alpha was almost trembling with trepidation, "You have nothing to be sorry for, what are you talking about? If anything I'm sorry, I shouldn't have been all over you like that." Derek rested his hand on the back of Stiles's neck, eyes searching the younger man's face for answers.

“No, it’s not like that,” Stiles defended Derek at once, “Oh my god, it’s not like that at all. It wasn’t you, Derek.”

He wiped his tears again and shook his head, “Like, it was all me, it was that... That stupid thing I did, and that guy, and the table, his hands on me and it was just like that.” He stopped and swallowed tight, staring at Derek with wide eyes as he felt immediately guilty for even bringing it up again.

Derek felt his throat tighten up, heart lurching into his chest as his mate yanked the almost completely healed scab off again, "Why would you..? Jesus, Stiles."

His body was shaking almost violently, imagery provided and for the first time since finding out - he was actually mad at Stiles, not seething, but still. He'd almost completely gotten over everything, forgot about it and he was happy, he had his mate and they were going to start building their new home together.

The alpha stood from the couch and moved away, clenching his fists at his sides as he glanced back at his mate, "I'm sorry, I am, sorry for doing the same thing to you that he did - but for fuck sake, you had to bring it up? Do you realize how hard it was for me to get over that?"

Stiles blinked and looked up at the werewolf, “It shouldn’t be something you have to 'get over', Derek. It shouldn’t have even **happened**. Just because you ignore something doesn’t make it better-doesn’t make it go away.”

He looked at the table warily for a second and closed his eyes, “I’m sorry I brought it up. But it’s a thing, and it exists, whether you or I want it to or not. It happened. I know I can’t do anything to fix it, but you shouldn’t just try to ignore it.”

Stiles pulled his knees in closer, “I’m sorry, I... it’s not like I do this shit on purpose or anything, you act like I want to remember things like that.”

Derek turned completely and held his hands out in defeat, "If you don't want me to ignore it then what do you want me to do, huh? I've already forgiven you, I can't-" He sighed, "I don't like feeling this way, okay? I don't wanna be mad at you."

He stared at Stiles for a minute, eyes watering as he lowered his head and rubbed the back of his neck, muttering under his breath, "Goddamn I am, though. I'm hurt, you hurt me probably worse than anyone else ever has, including Kate. And it pisses me off, because I can't stay mad at you, I can't fucking do it because I love you too much. So, what do you want me to do?"

Stiles felt the words like a smack to his face and he argued back, not really to defend himself, but more to defend Derek, “I don’t know, dammit, yell at me, hit me, I don’t know! I’m tired of feeling this way, too."

"I know what I did was wrong, I know neither of us can forget it, I know I hurt you, and I know it’s not something that anyone can just get passed. I don’t know what I need, I don’t know what kind of closure this kind of thing requires. I’d rather you just rip my fucking heart out and tear my body into pieces than to have to feel like this, and to have you just ignore it and let me get away with it.” He couldn’t breathe, like literally couldn’t, and he was fighting for air, face beet red as he stared at the alpha.

"I don't want to yell at you!" Derek shouted, completely contradicting himself but goddamn it felt good to actually get loud for once, "I'm not gonna fucking hit you, not gonna rip your heart out - or at least I'm not trying to."

He paced in the same spot, clenching his jaw and looking up at Stiles with misty eyes, "Was he attractive, Stiles? Did he make you feel good?" He moved to close the distance between them, resolve almost crumbling as he looked his mate in the eyes, "Did you kiss him?"

“No,” Stiles said immediately, “None of the above.”

He swallowed, grateful that he could at least say that and not be lying in the slightest, but he figured he’d elaborate in case Derek picked up some odd sense of a lie, “He was attractive in the way that any good-looking guy is, but no, he wasn’t really attractive to me. No, he didn’t make me feel good, I felt like complete shit the entire time, but even a person that’s being raped can get off. I didn’t feel 'good' at all. And no, I didn’t kiss him, I didn’t even consider it - not once.”

Derek listened intently, waiting for any indication that Stiles was lying, but there was nothing, no tic that gave him away. What little bit of a resolve he had left completely fucking shattered, sobs wracking his body, almost relieved in an odd way - glad that his mate was telling the truth. The alpha brought his hands to his face to muffle the loud, embarrassing sounds he was making. It felt good to let the hurt out, actually felt soothing to just let go - never mind the fact that he'd been reduced to a sobbing mess in front of Stiles.

Stiles dropped his knees from his chest as he reached out nervously, one hand moving to the back of Derek’s neck, the other to the larger man’s right forearm as his entire body ached watching his mate fall to pieces. He had no one else to blame, except for himself. He’d done this, he’d hurt the one person that mattered more to him than anything.

“I’m so sorry, Derek,” He whispered weakly, kissing the top of the werewolf’s head.

The alpha leaned into Stiles because, despite everything, he needed to feel his mate. He slouched his shoulders, unintentionally making himself appear smaller than he really was as the sobs silenced, body only trembling slightly as he sniffled.

"I know you are," Derek kept his head down and wanted to fucking bury himself because he sounded so fragile, not at all like an alpha - but frail and broken instead, "I told you I forgive you and I always will. I just-" He turned a little and wrapped his arms around Stiles, "This is good, okay? Isn't this like part of the healing process or something? Letting it all out."

The werewolf inhaled his mate's scent and pressed a kiss to his neck, "God, I just need you. I'm sorry for yelling at you."

“Don’t be, I wanted you to,” Stiles said as he closed his eyes, “I still want you to, but I know you don’t. You have to understand that when I say it meant nothing, it literally meant nothing at all to me. I would’ve felt better trying to fuck a tree. Or writing fanfiction or something. He didn’t make me feel anything more than like... My teachers at college make me feel.”

Stiles kissed above Derek’s ear, “I know you’re trying to avoid it, but I feel like you need to know, that when I was with him, I was closing my eyes, I was thinking of you. I don’t wanna rub it in your face, or make you feel worse, but you’ve really gotta know that it had nothing to do with you being inadequate in any way - you're not - or me wanting or longing for another man, because I don’t."

"The only one I want is right here, and I’ve... Pretty much fucked up everything with him because I wanted some kind of cold comfort when I was too drunk to drive home on my own.”

"You didn't fuck up anything with me," Derek said almost immediately, pulling back enough to look his mate in the eyes, shaking his head fervently, "This is just a bump in the road, Stiles, we'll get through it." They had to, because Derek knew he wouldn't be able to live without Stiles if it didn't work - it'd destroy him, probably completely.

Stiles shook his head slowly, “Yeah it’s a bump, yeah we’ll be together for the rest of our lives, and I’ll be here, but you’re always going to think of another man being inside of me, and try to think of what it felt like and how it made me feel. You’re always going to try and think of some kind of comparison between the two of you. I know, because I do the same thing sometimes.”

He felt the tears rising again, “I fucked up, I’m well aware of that fact. I wanted you to be my first, last, and only, I didn’t wanna know another man, even in the slightest. I didn’t wanna know what someone else’s hands felt like, or their breath, or taste, I didn’t want to know what it was like to be with someone that wasn’t my alpha, my mate. I know I’m not your one and only, but I wanted you to be mine.”

"I won't always think about it, I haven't been, not until now," Derek argued softly, hand reaching up to cup Stiles's cheek, "I'm healing, it'll take time and, I'm not saying it's a good thing that you cheated but... Having experienced someone else... Maybe it helped you realize that the grass isn't always greener on the other side."

"I don't know what I'm saying, not sure if I'm making any sense. I'm just glad that you're still mine. This is honestly giving me a headache. I had good news for you, was excited to tell you but I'm not sure right now is the time."

“The grass could be blue on the other side and I don’t really give a fuck about it, it wasn’t like that,” Stiles took Derek’s hand, “I honestly don’t wanna hear the ‘good news’, not just yet. I feel like there’s still room for clarity here. I need to tell you something that I’m... I’m not sure I ever have, and it might be common sense, obvious shit, but I want to actually say it, so you know.

"I didn’t get in this relationship with you just because of things, like your knot, or you being a werewolf, or an alpha, or you being sexy, and having a huge dick. Those are all awesome qualities, and I adore them, but I’m not **that** materialistic. You’re broken, like me, and no one else will ever understand that. You’re deeper, you’re kind, you’re a good person, and you care in a way I think is... Pretty rare."

"I feel like you need to know that I love everything about you, that there isn’t a single thing I’d change. I don’t know if I made that obvious from the get-go, and just because it is, doesn’t mean I shouldn’t say it, some times.”

Derek swallowed as he listened, heart hammering so hard against his ribs that he felt like he was going to get sick - not necessarily from being upset, just overwhelmed in general. He knew from the beginning that he had something special with Stiles, knew the connection was rare and the love ran deep - listening to his mate only confirmed everything once again, despite any mistakes made by either party.

The alpha wanted to list off the things he loved about Stiles too, like how passionate he was about things when he set his mind to something, the way he'd selflessly put himself in harms way to save the ones he loves, or hell, even the way he had a tendency to put things in his mouth when he tried to concentrate on something - but all he could mutter was a soft, heart felt, "Thank you."

Stiles laughed and ran his hands through Derek’s hair, “We’re both damaged goods, but I’ll take that any day over the easiest, most comfortable, uncomplicated relationship in the world. You’re one in three hundred billion. I’m pretty fucking lucky you appeared within the latest six.” He leaned in, pressing his lips to the werewolf’s, eyes open and staring at him in adoration.

The alpha nodded a silent agreement and kissed back almost needily, nosing at his mate's lips and nose before kissing him again. "It went through," Derek whispered, turning more towards Stiles, hands idly going to the smaller man's hips, "We can start building whenever we want."

Stiles grinned wide and chuckled, “Well, then, your enthusiasm at the door makes sense now. It was like you’d had fifteen energy drinks and didn’t know quite what to do with yourself.”

He scratched behind Derek’s ears, “Finally, we can start rebuilding.”

"Mm," Derek weaseled his way between Stiles's legs and laid his head on his mate's chest, smiling just faintly as he looked up at the younger man, "I wanted to text you, but at the same time I wanted to tell you in person. I've been excited all day, couldn't really tell the pack without telling you first so it's been... pent up, to say the least. I probably should've told you from the get-go."

“No, I know what you mean,” Stiles kissed Derek’s head, “I know what it’s like to have to keep something in, even though you don’t want to. I remember resisting being knotted with you, and waiting all that day to finally tell you. Thought I was going to explode when I finally did.”

"Yeah, and the excitement turned into something else entirely," The alpha nuzzled his face against Stiles, "Soon as I saw you I couldn't really control myself, I wanted you - good news aside." Derek grinned, feeling a little nostalgic when he thought back to the day when he'd first knotted Stiles, he was so excited, but wary at the same time, afraid that the younger man was yanking his chain or something.

“I’ll say,” Stiles said, nuzzling back as he let out a soft breath over Derek’s lips, “You were ready to fuck me on the table, I’m not sure it would’ve gotten through the end without a leg breaking off.”

He smoothed his hands down Derek’s neck, running over his chest as he kissed the larger man, “My eager little alpha.”

Derek felt more than heard the content hum reverberating from within his chest at the nickname, hand moving up underneath his mate's shirt to touch the soft skin, "I don't think 'eager' quite covers it."

He ran the tip of his tongue along the swell of the smaller man's bottom lip, "Your ass is worth more than getting my security deposit back."

Stiles turned Derek’s head and breathed into the larger man’s ear as he slid down into his lap, “Eager, hungry, desperate, needy, enthusiastic,” He turned Derek more, enough to mouth behind the shell of the alpha’s ear, nipping and licking, breathing heatedly as his fingers scratched Derek’s stubble, “So wanting, taught, bursting with longing needs and frustrations.”

The werewolf fought the urge to just pin Stiles down and take what he wanted, knowing that the smaller man would be more than on board - instead, he reigned himself back and enjoyed the closeness, the foreplay. Derek pinched one of Stiles's nipples before rolling the little bud between his fingers, hand dropping lower as his nails scraped the pale flesh, "Yeah, I'd say you hit it pretty spot on."

“I can empathize,” Stiles said, smirking, “I can’t name the countless hours I’d spent, thinking of how your knot would feel, getting thicker toys, testing myself, trying to imagine what it’d be like to feel the knot swell inside of me, stretch me out. I salivate just thinking about it,” He was aware his voice was getting darker. Stiles wasn’t often one for ‘dirty talk’, but he loved to see what it did to Derek, “Makes me wish I had one, to knot you up, just a bit.”


	6. Chapter 6

Stiles’s dream started simple at first, but when the ninjas started dancing in tutus and throwing lizards at people he had to call bull shit. It was ironic that his own sarcasm woke him up from dreams that his mind apparently thought were amusing. He felt the cold chill up his spine and started to turn, “Mm, Derek?” he opened his eyes as his arm stretched out and found... nothing but the empty bedside, cold, which meant the alpha had been gone for a while.

He sleepily rolled over and breathed his mate in for a moment, warming the spot back up, but he eventually got uneasy. Stiles stood, clad only in his sleep wear (a shirt and pajama pants), as he checked the house over and still didn’t find Derek. He walked outside, as chilly as it was, and glanced down in confusion at the clothes set, neatly folded, on the top step of the porch.

Stiles looked sleepily out into the night and rubbed the sides of his arm, “Derek?” he asked softly, hoping the werewolf heard him - wherever he happened to be.

Derek had waited until Stiles fell asleep before he tip toed out of the house, dying for some fresh air and to run until his wolf was content - and that's exactly what he did, because he could. They weren't stuck in a musty little motel room anymore, so he took advantage of the fact that they were surrounded by the woods once again.

He wasn't far from the house when he heard his mate call him, so he took off in a full sprint, head tilted to the side as he followed Stiles's heartbeat. Derek halted just before the treeline ended, staying within the confines of the darkness for a few minutes longer as his eyes flashed bright crimson. He stepped out slowly, claws scraping against the grass as he moved, gauging Stiles's reaction.

Stiles grinned wide when he saw the werewolf come out from the shadows of the trees. He couldn’t see well, eyes still a bit blurry from sleep, but he knew Derek when he saw him. He stepped down from the porch and walked out to the werewolf, feet dragging through the leaves and grass. It wasn’t often he got to see Derek like this, fur from head to foot, because normally it meant danger - or something of the like. Honestly, seeing him the day he came back to Beacon Hills was one of the few times he could count on one hand. They’d never really talked about it, Stiles wasn’t even sure if it took effort to stay changed, he’d never asked.

His hands, not even shaking in the slightest, reached out and ran through the soft fur on either side of Derek’s face, one moving to pet over the fur of his muzzle, “You kinda had me worried, the bed was cold and… do you do this a lot?”

Derek felt almost instant gratification when Stiles touched him and although he couldn't really answer vocally, he shook his head to convey his response and pressed his snout to his mate's cheek, sniffing the sleepy skin before licking him. He tried to focus in order to change back, body trembling as he rested his head on Stiles's shoulder.

“Don’t,” Stiles said softly, scratching back behind Derek’s ears as he turned his face into the side of the werewolf’s cheek, “Don’t shift back, yet.” He licked his lips, only slightly nervous, “I don’t get to see you like this up close, like, ever; don’t change back.” He touched the sides of Derek’s face once more, hands wrapping around to comb through the fur of his withers, just below the back of Derek’s neck as he tentatively kissed the werewolf’s lips.

Derek whined a little, questioning the slight increase in his mate's heartbeat to the best of his ability, leaning into Stiles's touches. It was insane how much more intense the sensations were, having the younger man scratching and petting him, dizzying with pleasure. His ears folded back just slightly when Stiles kissed him, eyes slightly wide before he nudged his mate's lips, tongue lapping out to lick against them and curling against the crease of Stiles's mouth, licking his way inside. What they were doing wasn't ever really a topic they'd discussed, but if he had to guess, he'd say that the younger man was more than okay with it.

Stiles knew his heart had to’ve gone wild in beats when Derek’s tongue pressed past his lips and he opened his mouth in response. He gasped as his dick stiffened up, hands scratching through the fur, up the werewolf’s head and behind his fluffy ears. His intentions had initially been innocent, but he’d be lying if he’d said he hadn’t thought of doing this before. It was probably inevitable, being with a mate, knotting with them, knowing they could change into this. He wasn’t really sure if Derek had done it before, he hadn’t been an alpha for very long, so probably not, but Stiles was positive the older man knew he wanted it.

After licking into Stiles's mouth, Derek could smell the arousal coming off of his mate and it made him anxious, eager, even; to claim him this way, to knot him in his wolf form. Derek pulled back a little and shivered, fur shaking before lowering his muzzle to his mate's clothed groin, nudging at it. He lifted a paw and hooked one of his claws in the hem of Stiles's pajama pants, pulling them down as well as he could without opposable thumbs. The alpha pressed his snout back against the younger man's warm cock, rubbing his nose against the soft brush of Stiles's pubic hair as he scented him.

“Oh my God,” Stiles breathed and, though he was slightly chilled, he could swear his body was heating up. The flush of his face was unmistakable and he was only getting more excited. The cold touch of Derek’s wet nose sniffing at him made chill bumps rise up on his skin and he continued petting through the werewolf’s fur, scratching under his chin and down Derek's back.

The werewolf took his mate's words as encouragement and lifted his head to nudge Stiles in the stomach, knocking him down onto his ass playfully. Derek laid down as well, resting between the younger man's legs as he proceeded to lap at Stiles's inner thighs, revelling in the saltiness of his mate's skin, tongue curling against the underside of Stiles's cock repeatedly as he whimpered his arousal.

Stiles sat up, watching, transfixed as the werewolf made soft little sounds and licked at him, “Derek,” he breathed out weakly, so excited that he was practically shaking in his skin with every lap of the alpha’s tongue. He knew Derek couldn’t talk to him in this form, but he was honestly curious about how it felt in comparison to being human. Was it the same? Was it more? He wanted to give something back, but the werewolf seemed insistent.

Derek began to get anxious, huffing and lapping eagerly at the warm length, his own desire kicking into overdrive as he lowered his snout, smelling himself from where they'd fucked earlier in the evening. He pushed Stiles's legs further apart with his paw, claws caressing the pale ivory skin almost delicately as he licked the stick of his come off of his mate's already worn rim.

Stiles smiled wide, spreading his legs instinctively, arching his back and closing his eyes as he let out a soft moan of approval. He could practically still feel Derek’s knot inside of him, nestled in tight and the slight twitch of it rubbing his prostate. He reached down and tugged the damp length, licking his lips before letting out a heavy breath and whispering, “ _My alpha_.”

Derek felt more than heard himself whine at the nickname. Stiles knew it was a weakness and that it aroused Derek beyond all belief. He moved then, entire body aching to spread Stiles open again and it was exciting, because his mate was in for a little bit of a surprise - his cock was a little larger in his alpha form. Derek stood and nudged at Stiles's hip, rolling him over with gentle force, one clawed paw curling against his hip to arch his ass up as he sniffed and licked at the base of Stiles's neck.

Stiles arched his spine, spreading his legs and lifting his ass a little higher in offering. He glanced back to the werewolf, hands sliding over the grass and leaves as they struggled for purchase. His dick was drizzling a steady stream of precome, cheeks red as he watched Derek hungrily. “Please,” he begged shamelessly, reaching up to cup the alpha’s muzzle and scratch the short fur there, “Please, Derek. I want you - knot me, claim me, make me yours.”

Derek growled possessively and licked the palm of his mate's hand, the fur of his body pressing against Stiles's skin as he lined himself up, blunt tip of his cock teasing the younger man's hole before snapping his hips and pressing in. The werewolf whimpered against Stiles's ear as he struggled to push his length in, pulling out and pushing back in to get further. He lapped at the moles beneath his mate's ear, weight of his body pinning Stiles down as he started fucking into him.

“Holy. _Fuck_ ,” Stiles breathed out, eyes widening slightly as he felt his walls stretch for the member, less accustomed to the girth of Derek’s dick. The werewolf’s sweet little sounds were seriously getting to him, each one making his length throb and shade a color. He’d been cold initially, but with the alpha baring down on him, the thick, warm fur covering his backside made him feel both warm and safe in Derek’s arms. He groaned as the werewolf licked him, body tingling with it and, if he wasn’t in so much awe, he would’ve smirked, “Fuck, yes. Please, Derek.”

Derek couldn't much control himself in his alpha form and the more he worked himself inside of Stiles, the less restraint he had - the motions became frantic, almost, quick and harsh. He panted against his mate's skin, claws digging into Stiles hip just faintly as he held the younger man down, sheathing himself into the scorching heat over and over again until he couldn't think. The only things that were registering were 'mine', 'mark' and 'knot'. The werewolf licked the back of Stiles's shoulder and growled when he felt his knot swelling a little, pushing in forcefully and taking what was his.

Stiles writhed below, not even bothering to try and keep up now. His heart raced with each thrust, breath being pushed from his lungs as sound spilled from him - his own whimpers, sobs, groans and a few nonsensical exclamations as he felt the slick length pushing inside of him, the hard swell of Derek’s knot starting up and he had to fight not to touch himself. He fisted the ground instead, tears spilling down his cheeks at the burn as he choked and panted.

The alpha pressed his nose against Stiles's cheek and tilted his head to lick the salty wetness streaming down his mate's face, hips pistoning harder as his knot continued to swell and burrow deeper. This was something Derek would never forget, the fact that Stiles was actually letting him do this - and to top it off, his mate wanted it. It wasn't like it had been some sick fantasy that he'd kept secret, it'd just never come up in conversation.

Derek tucked his chin against Stiles's shoulder and let out a low, gravelly howl as he came, knot expanding rapidly inside of his mate as he pumped the younger man full of come.

“Derek,” Stiles sobbed as more tears filled his eyes, body trembling as he felt the warm spurt inside of him. He came then as well, walls clenching around Derek’s knot and he was all but screaming throughout it - cheeks red, spread to his ears and neck, his entire body flushed as he glanced down at his legs, dick spent, the claws of the alphas feet digging into the dirt just beside his feet. He breathed slow and shaky, reaching up to touch the side of Derek’s furry face, turning his head and kissing the thin lips of the werewolf, curled around large, sharp canines and Stiles’s tongue swiped out over them.

Derek whimpered and lowered himself so that he could curl himself around Stiles, paw over his mate's waist to keep him close, tongue laving out against the younger man's. He wanted more than anything to talk, to tell Stiles how thankful he was, to shower his mate with love and compliments on how beautiful he was, all red-cheeked and misty-eyed - but he couldn't change back until after his knot deflated. The alpha took the time to adore Stiles's body, rubbing his face against his mate's neck, licking every square inch of skin he could reach.

Stiles reached down between them, running the tips of his fingers over the base of Derek’s knot as he leaned back into the warm fur. His heart was still racing, honestly kind of surprised the entire thing had actually happened, now that he was more than awake enough to take it all in. It could’ve gotten weird fast, but the fact that they met eye-to-eye made him feel like there wasn’t really a boundary one of them would cross and the other would question.

Stiles grinned as the alpha licked at him and he chuckled, “I love you,” he said, voice a bit rough from screaming, “I’m yours.” He lifted Derek’s head to stare him in the eyes, “Yours, Derek,” he kissed the alpha’s wet nose, scratching the sides of his muzzle and then back behind his ears again.

Derek let his eyes flutter closed as he leaned into the touch, growling happily deep in his chest because if something like this didn't confirm the fact that Stiles was indeed his - then he didn't know what did. The werewolf licked the tip of his mate's nose and then nuzzled his snout against the younger man's neck, keeping Stiles covered while they waited so that he wouldn't get cold.

“We’re seriously gonna have to do this again,” Stiles said, smirking as his dick hardened once more at just the thought of doing it a second time. He reached down between them, scratching the fur of Derek’s belly as he waited and breathed, “I thought you were big before, oh my god, was I ever wrong. You’ve single-knottedly ruined every other porn outlet in the world for me. This takes the cake.”

Derek laughed, although it sounded more like yipping. He felt his knot deflate and he shifted a little to test the pull, cock tugging free all together. The alpha closed his eyes and shifted back, fur retreating as it was all replaced with his skin. Derek smiled at Stiles and moved to press their chests together before kissing his mate, hand resting against the younger man's cheek, "I love you so much."

Stiles grinned and kissed back, covering Derek’s hand with his own, “I love you too,” his free hand reached down, feathering over the alpha’s knot and then wrapping around his waist, “So much.” He stared into Derek’s eyes, smile slowly dropping from his face as he searched them, “Every time I think I’ve loved you more than I possibly could, something happens and it feels like I’m falling all over again.”

Derek felt his eyes water with his mate's admission, relating to every word. He looked up and glanced at their house before looking back at Stiles, brows furrowed together as he smiled. "Marry me?" the alpha asked breathlessly, watching the younger man's face intently, "You've got another year left of college and we can wait until then but- Marry me?" he pressed their lips together, "Please?"

Stiles blinked in surprise and grinned wide, kissing back with enthusiasm, turning them over and settling himself in the werewolf’s lap as he broke the kiss and stared into Derek’s eyes, “My alpha,” he breathed out, voice low and soft, “Yes. As if saying ‘no’ is even possible. I’ve been mated to you for years, you think you even have to ask?”

Derek propped himself up with an elbow as he beamed at Stiles, lifting a hand to touch his mate's neck and chest, "Of course I needed to ask," he grabbed the nape of Stiles's neck and pulled him down for a kiss, "Wanted to hear you say ‘yes’." He leaned up a little more and wrapped his arms around the younger man's waist, hugging him as they kissed.

“Like I wasn’t screaming that over and over again not twenty minutes ago,” Stiles observed, chuckling and scratching his fingers through the werewolf’s hair, one hand moving to touch his warm chest and concentrate on the calm beats of his heart, strong and firm under the skin.

Derek shivered and grinned, echoes of his mate's moans replaying in his mind. He laid his head on Stiles's shoulder, palms smoothing up and down the smaller man's back to keep him warm, "Mm, wouldn't mind hearing you get like that again. I don't think you've ever gotten so loud, wouldn't be surprised if you woke the pups up."

“Oh my God,” Stiles blushed, “We seriously just fucked outside, while you were in your wolf form, what if one of them woke up and went to pee or something?” He’d completely spaced and, though he was completely comfortable having sex with Derek like this, he didn’t know the pack’s individual thoughts on the subject, “We should get inside, I’m getting cold.”

The alpha chuckled and stood, lifting Stiles with him before grabbing the younger man's pajamas and handing them to him. Derek walked Stiles back to the house, whispering as he put his clothes back on, "I'm willing to bet that even if one of them did see, they were probably jealous - they're all werewolves, deep down they want it just as bad."

Derek grimaced and shifted before ushering Stiles into the house, hand on the small of his mate's back as they walked upstairs, "Pretty sure I have a leaf in my ass or something."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry, it’s been so long since I’ve updated this fic, as a secondary note, I’m ending it completely here. Not only is it a good place to cut off, but I’m afraid I won’t be able to really complete it if I don’t end it here.  
> 
> 
> I’m currently werking on original content instead of fanfiction and I just don’t have time to post werks like this. I’ve had a lot of personal problems over the last few months that make it difficult to motivate myself to even look at these fanfics, and really they just a waste of my energy. But I love you guys, I love my readers. So I’m trying. If you want more, there’s my original werk on my Tumblr, and there are fics in the [Vault](http://cammerel.tumblr.com/Fic%20Sorter) that I might not ever even post.
> 
>    -Cammerel


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